To Die Alone
by thebluecat21
Summary: Ichigo wakes up trapped inside a mysterious black barrier. He learns that he is in the middle of some horrible experiment.With no recollection of his past life, Ichigo grows afraid of the voice that calls to him.Meanwhile, a certain Darkness terrorizes Rukongai citizens into sacrificing one of their own every month. It is apparently searching for the perfect body to be reborn in...
1. Chapter 1

To Die Alone: Chapter 1

Colour Fadeout

_**Hi everyone! :D**_

_**Welcome to my all-new second fic! Just to be clear, this fic has nothing to do with my first fic 'This War's Not Over'. I've decided that this one is to be a completely new and fresh start. This fic will probably be shorter than my first one, depending on how much I can think up to build a story. (hopefully I can keep it going!)**_

_**Also a big thanks to Lucifer - Traitor To God for the wonderful tribute for my previous fanfic! I thought it was really well done and I'm so happy everyone enjoyed it! Yet again I thank everyone for reading my stuff so far. :)**_

_**Hope you enjoy this new fic**_

* * *

He began his new life face down on the sun-baked ground. The heat was harsh on his face, and it took only a moment as his mind slowly worked its way through consciousness, that he realized it was scalding hot. His muscles immediately tried to jerk away from the heat, but they lay uselessly on either side of his head.

Light felt like it would fry his eyeballs out if he let any in, so he kept his lids screwed firmly shut. He felt himself subconsciously flipping himself onto his back, using his torso to pull the rest of his body with it.

A groan slipped out of his lips before he could stop it, his lips wincing in pain as he tried to order his unresponsive muscles to move. He shakily shaded his eyes with his arm, even though his limb felt like it weighed a hundred tons.

He finally dared to open his chocolate brown orbs, forcing them to remain open and adjust to the piercing light. When his eyes did adjust, he instantly tried to take in his surroundings in order to find out where he was.

Old wooden huts surrounded him, but the uneven path of dirt that wound its way through them was creepily void of people.

He slowly shifted to a sitting position, however this took a considerable amount of time. He tried to stand up a few times, but his legs felt like jelly under his body.

The young teen lifted his hands uncomprehendingly, staring at his palms. That was when he noticed what he was wearing. The attire was odd. Not that it was the attire itself that was odd, but rather it felt odd on _him_. It was a pale green hakama, but it was worn and ragged at the edges. He immediately felt a sense of incorrectness to this attire, as he felt like he had never worn this in the past…

But as the teen searched his mind for how he had got here, what he was supposed to do—the past completely evaded him, and he drew up a blank. He began to feel the dark grips of panic claw at his heart, his head.

He tried to stand up again, more frantically this time, but as expected, his legs gave way again. He felt the sudden urge to scream, to cry out—but no words came out of his mouth, so he sat there—alone…waiting.

It was only after a few minutes—which seemed like hours—that the teen's fear finally broke him down.

"_Someone…help…me!" _he screamed, every word scraping his throat raw.

His whole body shook, and the teen felt like he had never been so scared in his entire life—a voice told him that. It told him that his old self had never been scared of anything. Before this…this strange loss of memory. The voice was faint, but it was still there. The teen tried to convince himself it was just his imagination, and that he was already going insane with fear.

It was then that he heard the sound of feet and voices, and he was left with a split-second decision. He could try to flee—and not find out whether these voices were friend or foe—or he could stay—perhaps some people might know him—and tell him who he was.

He tried to stand up once more, but the expected thump back down to gravity was no longer a surprise for the teen. He would just have to wait here then.

His heart thumped as he heard the sound of static and voices grow closer, until the swift and agile noises of feet hitting the ground slowed to a walk.

"I think I heard it somewhere around here."

"You think they caught another one?"

"Your guess is as good as mine."

"Dude, you smell like _feet!_"

"Shut up!"

Then as they rounded the corner of one of the wooden huts, the teen heard a collective gasp.

"Holy crap!"

"Dandelion head!"

"We're all screwed now that he's here."

"I-Ichigo?"

The teen didn't turn his head. Simply continued to stare blankly at the ground—perhaps hoping they wouldn't come and kill him if he stood quiet—maybe they'd leave. But that nagging sound bothered him.

"Ichigo!"

"Kurosaki!"

The footsteps came towards him, rushed and relieved. But the orange-haired boy continued to stare blankly up at them, no sign of recognition on his face. There's that hissing, snarling voice again. It felt louder, closer. He knew deep in the corner of his mind that he should be worried about that voice. But he can never hear what it says, so it's fine, right?

The faces staring anxiously down at him tug at his mind, his past, his memories—his purpose. There were five people, all men except for one petite girl, all wearing the same pale green hakama.

One of the men reached out towards him, and the teen tried to place where he'd seen that familiar face. His heart lurched and tugged as he came up with nothing. His hand smacked away the redhead's before he even knew it left his side.

He had never seen such an agonized look on anyone's face before. And he was sure he never wanted to see it again. But it was plastered all over the petite girl and the redhead's faces, and they looked so shocked and pained that he wanted to get up and say sorry.

"Do you…do you know me?" the teen asked numbly.

He frowned, surprised at hearing his voice for the first time in his remaining salvageable bits of memory. It didn't sound quite right—higher than he would have imagined.

He could see everyone flinch, the petite shaking her head like this was one sick joke.

It was the redhead that answered. "Um…Yeah. Don't you remember?"

The orange-haired teen shook his head miserably. He noticed a bulkier guy attempting to push past a baldy and a guy with feathers on the corner of his eye, but they both restrained him. "This has gotta be one of those crappy jokes of his! I can't believe you're falling for it!"

"Who are you guys anyway? Where am I?" he forced his voice to sound strong; his eyes hadn't missed the swords that were hanging at their hips.

He didn't feel the slap until the petite girl had done it. Her hand was raised for another blow, her eyes ablaze with fury—desperation. He closed his eyes, bracing himself for another onslaught. But the redhead rested a hand on her shoulder, shaking his head.

And the girl did something he hated—and she began to shake, to cry, her look making the teen want to wither away and die.

"Ichigo. Ichigo. _Ichigo!_" she was shaking him now, but the repetitive sound she made went on unrecognized.

The orange head tried to make sense of it, this word that everyone had seemed to utter ever since he'd met them, the word having been repeated over and over again—like a mantra—as if the word was one of the most important things in the world.

This name.

The redhead was rubbing circles in her back awkwardly as this stranger girl proceeded to break down right in front of the teen. Then there was another face, _Four-eyes_, as the teen had mentally labelled him.

"Kurosaki," Four-eyes said slowly.

But the orange-haired teen was trying so hard to recognize the two others that he barely noticed him. To be ignored seemed to get on Four-eyes' nerves, as he whirled the teen around to face him from where he sat.

"Idiot! Don't you even remember your own name?" Four-eyes shouted.

An unexpected flash of annoyance sparked the teen's eyes as his gaze flashed back and forth in between the redhead and Four-eyes. Four-eyes gave a tentative smirk, since no emotion had seemed to cross the teen's face until now. And it resembled one of the looks the teen had given Four-eyes so many times before. Perhaps he would remember…?

"I don't have a name," the teen said flatly, finding strength flood into his limbs as he said that, giving him the ability to shakily stand up.

Four-eyes immediately flinched, and the others sharply looked away. The orange head found it better to lie. Perhaps he would seem weak, vulnerable, if he seemed completely clueless about himself. He had to appear strong in front of these people. Just in case they weren't friends.

However, whatever he had said in place of his name seemed to have deeply disturbed them. Why had those words spilled out of his mouth?

"_Everyone_ has a name you moron," Four-eyes growled.

The teen narrowed his eyes at the others, glad that his ability to stand gave him more confidence in what he said. "Well I _don't_ have a name."

He didn't need these people. He could move on his own now. He walked past them, his brows knitted tightly together as he stalked across the wooden huts. It seemed the more he stayed awake, the more his natural character was returning to him. He could hear them catch up with him.

"You can't survive out here on your own," it must have been the petite who spoke.

"Of course I can."

"This is Rukongai," warned Baldy.

The teen halted in his steps although he had never ordered his feet to stop. It was like his body was refusing to go one more step away from them. "What's that?"

"Rukongai used to be a dangerous place. Now it's gotten even worse," that was redhead.

The lost teen turned to look at them searchingly, his eyes scouring the rotting clumps of abandoned houses. "Is this why everyone left?"

"That's right," the redhead nodded, his eyes troubled. "There's no one else here but us. So you should come with us—unless you wanna starve."

"I'll take my chances," he began to turn.

"Wait!" the teen turned to face the petite girl in annoyance. "We'll help you get your memories back."

The petite girl seemed to have reigned in her emotions. He gave them a long stare before his body was already bringing him walking to their side.

"Fine," the teen hissed, trying to hide the suspicion in his voice.

They all seemed to relax as they retrieved their supposed friend. They began to run in a slow jog so that the orange-haired teen could keep up, and this seemed to frustrate the boy because he knew from earlier that they could run much faster. Did they think he was weak?

Baldy and Featherface had sped on ahead with a speed that the young teen couldn't follow. He watched as the bulky man followed with a slower speed, but still much faster than he himself was.

He frowned, pushing himself forwards as his body yearned to retrieve the speed he had lost. He gave a tentative stride. Then another. The sound of static suddenly tore at his feet, and he easily passed the bulky man who stared at him with a dumbstruck expression. He gasped as his body moved instinctively liked he'd done this for a hundred years.

The redhead and the petite girl tried to catch up with him, strangely shocked but pleased, but the teen raced across the air and outran them easily. He was elated. The chase was fun when you knew someone couldn't catch you. He didn't know what was happening to him or how he'd done it, but seeing the houses whizz past him was exhilarating.

He caught up to Baldy and Featherface, where they had stopped in front of a huge house with two enormous hands holding up a sign. The teen's mouth twisted in distaste. Baldy and Featherface both seemed surprised when the redhead, the girl and the bulky man came a few minutes after, tired and breathless.

They both exchanged a hopeful grin, before they gestured to the teen to follow them inside the house. To the orange head's surprise, the entrance was instantly followed up by stairs. This house was very strange.

He could hear noises up ahead as the others followed him in. When Baldy pulled back the sliding doors to reveal the amount of people that had been put in this house, the teen stared. Seven others stared back.

They were all so familiar.

They began to crowd around him, all as joyful as the others, repeating this name that the teen wasn't sure who it belonged to. He stared at the amount of people around him, overwhelmed.

"Ichigo!"

_No._

"Kurosaki Ichigo!"

_Stop. _

"Kurosaki-san?"

_There are too many…_

"Kurosaki-kun?"

…_faces._

His consciousness faded as memories crammed and pushed past others to get into his head. His hands shot up to grab his hair, and he let out a frantic scream. He tried to get away, but the room seemed to swirl and trap him in, the floor looping to push him into one of the walls. Then he felt himself totter backwards, his eyes fluttering shut.

_I don't have a name._

* * *

_He's charging through Karakura Town, soul reapers on his heels. He knows they'll reach him soon, because of the trail of scarlet he's leaving behind. They took him by surprise—while he was still in his human body. _

_Yet, he doesn't have the will to live anymore. A horrible thing has already happened that he left behind. That he, Kurosaki Ichigo, was meant to protect. And he left them there. He had abandoned them. Because they are really after him. How could he have let this happen? _

_It is so easy to defeat Kurosaki Ichigo once his body and soul is broken. Once he loses the will to fight, you can snap him in half like a twig. But somehow, his legs still push him forwards, his eyes stinging. It feels odd. He hasn't cried for a long time. Kurosaki Ichigo never cries. _

_Zangetsu will be furious at him again. He's giving up. But Ichigo feels like there is nothing left to live for. He will never forgive himself for what he's done. But maybe if they catch him—maybe, just maybe—he can spit in their faces and refuse to tell them. He has some pride left. He could at least do it in honour for those he has left behind. _

_The soul reapers smash into him. Those who were his friends are his enemies now. This hurts him too. They rip him to pieces with their swords. Ichigo loathes himself. He's so weak._

_They drag him to the Senkaimon gate. Ichigo's eyes droop before he finally looses consciousness due to his blood loss. He opens his eyes once more before he gives in to the dark. He needs to see a final time the town he loves._

_After all, he's never be coming back._

* * *

_**And the first chappy is done~!**_

_**Please tell me what you think of this first update to my new story! 8D**_

_**Many thanks. ** _


	2. Chapter 2: Web of Confusion

To Die Alone: Chapter 2

Web of Confusion

_**Hey!**_

_**So this is the next chappy of my second fic 'To Die Alone'!**_

_**Sorry it took so long to update! My computer is kinda out of commission so uploads will be few… Hopefully in October they'll be plenty! To make this clear, I'm afraid this fanfic **__**won't be yaoi**__**… Just like my previous fanfic. I'm sorry for those who wish it was! **_

_**It's Ichiruki**__**, but main characters are in fact Ichigo, Shiro, and Rukia. But for the character select thingy you could only choose two characters so yeah. Thank you for all your posted thoughts and comments! I'm always happy to see people are reading what I've wrote. And also, not to worry, Hollow Ichigo will be appearing soon enough…**_

* * *

_He's a murderer. _

_Or at least, that's what they want him to believe. _

_He's afraid._

_They don't care. They just want to make sure he suffers. The kid's some messed up nutbag anyway. He wants to get away but his legs are frozen in place. He scrambles, but he's pinned down to an operation table. _

"_I don't know where it is," Ichigo hisses, trying to put his last wisps of defiance into those words. _

"_We'll see."_

_He can feel the kido reaching, grabbing, searching through his soul. It burns his body and Ichigo screams. He brings the barrier down to protect his mind anyway. He won't let them find what they're looking for._

_The kido wears off, retreats, finding nothing. _

"_You know where it is. That's obvious," the cruel voice says. "You wouldn't want me to become impatient and kill your…sisters now would you?"_

_Ichigo freezes, his yellow pupils and black sclera widening in horror. "No."_

_As he says this, he can feel three sets of footsteps scuffling into the room. He twists his head to see them, his eyes full of terror._

"_Ichi-nii!" there's a scuffle, but Karin has both arms locked behind her back again. _

_Ichigo writhes and squirms against his restraints, every cell in his body screaming at him to protect his little sister. _

"_Please don't hurt Ichigo-niichan!" Yuzu begs, her eyes pleading as she stares at the burn marks all over his chest._

_Ichigo glares at his much-hated captor. The man's lips curl into a sadistic smile. "Tell me where it is."_

"_Give it up," Ichigo snarls. _

_The man looks up from Ichigo, clicking his fingers at the guard who is restraining Karin from running to Ichigo. The teen gives a loud gasp as Karin cries in pain and the guard snaps her wrist with a sickening crunch. _

"_NO!" Ichigo screams, his reiatsu surging forwards like it's alive, snapping and twisting. _

_The cruel man places another seal on Ichigo's reiatsu while Ichigo tries to stop tears from appearing in his eyes as he hears Karin's sobs. _

"_Please don't…please don't hurt my sisters," Ichigo finds himself pleading. _

"_Then tell me where it is."_

* * *

"Ichigo!"

The orange-haired teen felt someone shaking him.

"Ichigo!"

His eyes snapped open, and light burst into his vision. He squinted as his eyes got used the world around him, his brown eyes glancing from side to side, awaiting someone to leap out and attack him. He was breathing hard, and his forehead was covered in sweat.

"You okay?" the teen turned his gaze to the redhead, who was sitting on a crude-looking table.

The teen tensed, trying to forget about his terrifying dreams. His gaze travelled to the person who was crouched beside him, the one who had woken him up. The petite girl touched his shoulder. He flinched at the contact. Her hand retreated back to her side almost instantly.

"Sorry," the petite girl said, lowering her blue eyes to stare at the ground. "You were screaming in your sleep."

The orange-haired teen said nothing, not in the mood to talk. He sat up, wrapping his arms around himself. The petite girl's eyes clouded with dismay. She had never seen him look so nervous. It was so…un-Ichigo.

"What have they done to you?" the girl whispered to herself, but the teen heard her.

The redhead remained sitting on the table. He pointed a finger to his chest. "Anyways…I'm Renji."

The teen nodded, while Renji pointed at the girl. "That's Rukia."

"You're Ichigo," Rukia said firmly.

The teen stared at her blankly. "I don't know."

Her shoulders sagged in defeat.

"Who are _they_?" he asked quietly, failing to hide the fear in his voice. "Are they responsible…for my loss of memory? I can't remember…"

He buried his head in his knees, shivering. Rukia made a move to touch his shoulder again, but drew her hand back. "Do you…do you remember anything at all?"

Renji was just watching him silently. The teen avoided both their gazes.

"K-Karin. Yuzu. _They_ have my…my sisters," he whimpered.

The redhead and the girl exchanged a glance. The redhead shook his head, cursing to himself. "There's nothing we can do about it. I'm sorry."

The teen's teeth grinded together and he stood up, suddenly infuriated, grabbing the redhead by the collar. "What do you mean we can't save Karin and Yuzu? They're with monsters… _Monsters!_"

His mind flipped past so many memories of them, he felt dizzy. Karin's soccer…Yuzu's cooking… He sat back down hard on his ass, his head spinning, releasing his grip on Renji's collar.

Renji straightened his pale green hakama, annoyed. "We can't because we're trapped here. There's no way out."

With a furious growl, the teen crashed into Renji, slamming them into the wooden wall and crashing through it, both of them ignoring Rukia's angry yell. He remembered how _they_ had snapped Karin's wrist. His chest tightened as he and Renji rolled over and over in the dust. Why were these people refusing to help him? Karin and Yuzu were _eleven. _

The two sprang apart, the orange head's eyes wild as adrenaline pumped through him. He was crouched down ready to spring at the redhead, his head pounding in fury.

"Well whaddaya know…" Renji grinned delightedly. "Guess they didn't completely drain the fight out of you after all."

The teen snarled as he heard Rukia's distant voice coming to intercept them.

"Renji, not now," she hissed. "He's not well!"

The redhead ignored her. The orange-haired teen noticed Four-eyes running along to see what the commotion was about. His hand slid down to the sword he wore at his hip, and used his thumb to show off a bit of the blade.

"Where's your zanpakuto, Ichigo?" Renji sneered, his eyes eager for battle.

The teen frowned in confusion. _Zanpak-what? _It gave him a headache.

"Don't call me that!" the teen growled.

"What Ku-ro-sa-ki I-chi-go? Hah. Refusing your own name? Just how much did they torture you Ichigo?" Renji jeered.

The redhead was clearly egging the teen on to start the fight. Four-eyes was restraining Rukia from getting any closer, shaking his head exasperatingly.

"Draw your sword, Ichigo," Renji demanded, his hand on the hilt of his sword.

The teen didn't know what the hell Renji was talking about. He charged, noticing how Renji's hand left his sword and his eyes clouded disappointment.

It was all the teen needed to deliver a well-placed uppercut to his jaw. Renji stumbled backwards, grinned, and sent a kick his way. Ichigo blocked it, but Renji was strong. The teen still didn't have complete command over his muscles yet.

Soon they were using the static-noise-run-watchamacallit (flashstep) and Renji and the orange head threw punches at each other with lightening speed, the fight becoming more angry and bitter.

Blood roared in the teen's ears, as his instinct flooded through his veins and through his limbs. He knocked Renji over with a roundhouse kick, before sending his fist smashing into his face.

Renji rolled with the impact, jumping up and taking the orange-haired teen by surprise. He kicked him in the gut, effectively winding the boy, and pinned him to the ground. They were in a tomato field, and the juice was already splashed all over their clothes.

But the fight that coursed through the teen's body brought memories back, hurting more than Renji's blows to his face. His body went limp as bloody battles raced to push through to each get his attention.

Renji stopped on the second punch, noticing how his friend's eyes lost focus. He slapped him lightly a couple of times. "Ichigo? Ichigo!"

The teen sucked in a breath as he blinked back to consciousness.

"Get off me," he snarled at Renji.

"Not until you say that your name is Ichigo," Renji said.

The teen scowled furiously at the redhead. He writhed and squirmed, but Renji was stronger than him at the moment. The orange head simply couldn't get his muscles working properly.

"M-My name," the teen said reluctantly, and to Renji's glee, "is Kurosaki…Ichigo."

He heard someone clapping excitedly and moved his face to see a girl with long brown hair sitting on the side-lines. Renji stood up, contemplating his tomato-stained hakama in disgust. "That's Orihime."

Ichigo stood up as well, rolling his forced-upon name on his tongue, frowning. He gave a curt nod to Orihime, staring daggers at Renji's back.

"_**Kill him."**_

Ichigo froze. He stopped following Renji who was walking back to Rukia and Four-eyes.

"_**Make sure he's **_**dead**_**."**_

Ichigo's hands flew to his head, digging his fingers into his scalp.

"_Who…Who's there?" _Ichigo gasped, frightened at the prospect that there was someone else within this body apart from him.

"_**Get Zangetsu. Slice him in half," **_the voice in his head snarled.

Ichigo slumped to the floor and curled up into a ball. It was _talking _to him…

"Kurosaki-kun?" Orihime's voice snapped him out of his dark thoughts. "Are you alright?"

Ichigo blinked, the sudden pain in his head receding. He uncurled himself from his fetal position, embarrassed to see everyone watching him. More and more people had come out of the weird house now, all unsure of whether to approach him or not. Orihime, for one, knotted and unknotted her hands nervously.

Ichigo threw the unpleasant feeling in his stomach at the back of his mind. Had he been imagining that voice?

"Tell me your names," Ichigo said suddenly to all of them. "I-I need to remember."

Everyone glanced around at each other, having been warned by Ichigo's previous meltdown that he had forgotten them all.

Four-eyes was Uryu. The bulky guy was Ganju. His sister, Kukkaku. Baldy was Ikkaku. Featherface was Yumichika. Rukia. Renji. Orihime. Shinji. Mashiro. Kensei. Toshiro. Rangiku.

Ichigo's fingers dug into his temples, trying to stave off an oncoming heachache. So many names and faces…He'd get used to it.

While Orihime healed his punched up face, Rukia came up with a ball of rice in her hand and handed it to him. Ichigo had been unconscious till lunch, apparently. Everyone was having a break.

Ichigo was sure he didn't like Renji after their fight. But apparently what the redhead was saying was true. There was barrier that surrounded Rukongai, preventing anyone from going through. They were trapped here. Imprisoned. What had happened to the world outside?

He was sure he had been trying to escape this imprisoned fate when he was running away from _them._ But according to his memory-dream, he had been severely injured. They had dragged him here. Ichigo wondered with slight horror if he'd forgotten everything because something traumatic had happened.

"_Just how much did they torture you Ichigo?"_ Renji's words rang in his ears.

Ichigo shivered, taking a bite out of his rice-ball. He didn't want to remember. They had been after something—but he couldn't remember what it was. Maybe they'd stuck him here after they got their answer.

He soon found out that the house with the ridiculous looking arm decoration was Kukkaku's, and she'd generously offered to house everyone here. Apparently they'd all been stuck here to. There was a wooden hut built just beside it since the house was overflowing with people. And it now had a hole through it.

"I can take you on a tour of the place, if you'd like," Rukia offered as she ate her meal.

Ichigo's shoulders relaxed. He'd really hoped they'd stop pussy-footing around him. Rukia seemed the first to have stopped doing that.

"Sounds good," Ichigo mumbled.

Ichigo and Rukia left the group, and the teen was alarmed by the fact that she had her hand resting on the hilt of her sword. She noticed his look.

"Rukongai citizens still lurk in the shadows. Most have been killed off, but some are still hiding around in the few remaining wooden huts. You never know who you'll encounter."

Ichigo nodded, his gaze faraway.

"I'm surprised Kukkaku didn't kill you for destroying the wall in the wooden house," Rukia smirked.

Ichigo shrugged, trudging after the petite girl. "Sorry."

They travelled through the dodgy dark alleys of Rukongai, Rukia ever so tensed up to draw her sword. The pair travelled until the ruins and muddy grounds of Rukongai faded into the distance, being replaced by lush grassy hills and trees.

That's when Ichigo noticed it. The strange wall that towered over them. It seemed to have been painted over with the colour of the sky and the clouds, but when you edged closer, you could see how fake it was.

As the pair both neared it, Rukia spoke in a murmur. "This is the barrier that prevents us from leaving this godforsaken place."

Ichigo walked slowly towards it until he raised his hands to touch it. As his finger came in contact with it, he instantly withdrew it. It stung.

"The barrier itself is strange, as it seems to have more of a cubic shape then a dome or a sphere," Rukia muttered to herself, but loud enough for Ichigo to hear.

Ichigo turned to look at her, his teeth gritted together. "Why…Why would someone do this to us?"

The petite girl shivered, crossing her arms. "To satisfy one's own curiosity. For experimental purposes. To become a god while treating us like playthings."

Ichigo came closer, his face twisted in a snarl.

"Who?"

Rukia hesitated for a moment before she bit her lip.

"Kurotsuchi Mayuri."

* * *

_**Tadaa~! 8D**_

_**I hope you enjoyed! Please review to tell me what you think! I'll try and update as soon as I can. Many thanks!**_


	3. Chapter 3: The Emptiness

To Die Alone: Chapter 3

The Emptiness

_**Hey everyone!**_

_**I've tried to get this chapter update as soon as I could! Sorry to keep you hanging. (It's just that cliffies are so fun~ ***__**grins evilly**__***) But I'm soooo happy you're all enjoying this~! Your reviews keep me going!**_

_**By the way, I've decided to make this after the Fullbring Arc rather than after Aizen's betrayal.**_

_**Here's the next chappy. :D**_

* * *

_Ichigo came closer, his face twisted in a snarl. _

"_Who?" _

_Rukia hesitated for a moment before she bit her lip. _

"_Kurotsuchi Mayuri."_

To Rukia, Ichigo looked like he'd just taken a hit to the face. She gasped as his head suddenly snapped backwards and his eyes rolled into his head. He toppled backwards, Rukia racing towards him as he hit the dusty ground.

"Ichigo!" she yelled, trying to snap Ichigo back to reality, but the teen seem to be having a fit.

His body was jerking as if he was having a seizure, his wild unfocused eyes wide with fear. The first thing that shocked Rukia was Ichigo's expression.

She had never seen Ichigo look so scared.

Then, it was anger towards herself. He'd become a freaking amnesiac patient, why had she reminded him the name of the man who had probably rendered him to this state?

She gritted her teeth as she helplessly watched his body go into spasms. Maybe it was because deep down, she'd hoped the old Ichigo would somehow reappear with all his memories back, knight in shining armour and everything.

She mentally slapped herself again. Ichigo was a _scared human boy. _She bent her head. If only Soul Society could have seen that, and looked past the things that made him so different and frightening to them.

Rukia jumped as she felt a sudden iron grip on her arm. When her eyes locked with Ichigo's, she felt a sudden pang of joy. It was him. It was old Ichigo again. That look. That dumbass look. It was the Ichigo Kurosaki she knew.

But his voice—it was all _wrong. _

"Emotions," his voice said in a trembling whisper, his brown eyes desperate. "The emotions. He's after the emotions."

Rukia shook him as his eyes seem to lose focus a bit. What was Ichigo talking about? Had the old Ichigo come back just to tell her this, only to fade away again?

"Ichigo! What are you saying?" Rukia demanded, her voice strained.

But he was already fading, his eyes finding that scared look again before the body went limp completely, his eyes closing shut.

* * *

Renji didn't like the idea of using Zabimaru as a knife to slice open some watermelon, but it was all they had. Now Rangiku was heartily serving herself half of it, swallowing it down like it was her sake. It was too bad for Captain Hitsugaya that there seemed to be an infinite amount of sake than food. Even though it was a pain to have Rangiku singing all night, it was good to have a glass or two once and awhile when morals were down.

Renji sat down next to Shinji, who he'd gotten along with quite well since he'd woken up locked away here in Rukongai. The vizard heaved a massive sigh as he watched Toshiro scream at Rangiku.

"Some things never change," Shinji said, taking a swig of sake.

Renji immediately felt uncomfortable. Some things _had _changed. Ichigo, for example. No matter how much sake Renji downed, he still couldn't shake off that emptiness now that the friend he knew was nearly gone. Would he ever be back?

Ichigo had turned into what seemed to be an aggressive bastard to being a defensive, fear-ridden boy instead. Renji was going to beat the crap out of Mayuri once he got out of here for everything he'd done. If he ever got out.

"I don't know what he wants from all of us, keeping us contained like this," Shinji said, as if reading the redhead's mind. "But one thing I know about the crazy bastard is that as long as we're trapped here, he can do just about anything to us."

Renji shivered. "Like Ichigo not having his zanpakuto anymore? When we all landed here, we all had ours. Did they confiscate his before they dumped him here?"

Shinji grinned as Kensei, Mashiro and Uryu sat down next to them, before replacing it with a sombre expression. "I don't know. But the fact that Ichigo has had severe memory loss and no zanpakuto proves that they've done something to him Something bad."

Renji's brows furrowed in frustration. "I _hate _not knowing. I wish that stupid shopkeeper could be here to figure all this out."

"He might be dead for all we know," Kensei said gruffly.

Shinji sighed. "Nah. That man just won't die."

"I don't like what they've been doing to Berry-tan," Mashiro pouted, trying to make an angry face. "He's one of us. No one messes with Berry-tan."

Renji wasn't quite sure what to say to that. His natural response, before _this _happened, would have been to bark out that Ichigo was a soul reaper, not some reaper-turned-hollow mutation. But now he couldn't deny it any longer. The anger left him as fast as it came. He sighed instead. Uryu did the work for him.

"I wouldn't deny that he's a vizard, but it was all up to Kurosaki whether he wanted to join you or not. I heard that he left as soon as you taught him hollowfication," Uryu smirked, pushing up his glasses.

"It's not his decision," Shinji glared, before adding more darkly with that sombre look on his face again, "Besides, Ichigo never learned how to control his hollow."

Uryu started fidgeting nervously.

"What do you mean?" Renji asked, his eyes narrowing.

"It's true," Uryu admitted. "In his fight with Ulquiorra, Kurosaki went berserk when Orihime cried out for help. And that was after he learned how to suppress his hollow."

"I've never heard of a hollow that's so resilient to resist against suppression," Shinji said half in apprehension, half in wonder.

"Like Ichigo in character really," Renji mocked.

"But still... It's strange that even after suppression the hollow emerged," Shinji said thoughtfully.

"Ichigo's always been an exception," Kensei shrugged.

Shinji looked like he wanted to say more, like something was really bugging him, but he stayed quiet. After all, he didn't want to ramble on like Four-eyes here. This conversation was going just about nowhere anyway. The contemplative silence was broken as they heard someone yell at them. All heads shot up, Renji on his feet. "That's Rukia's voice!"

The redhead disappeared in a single flashstep as the rest of the group caught sight of Rukia lugging Ichigo's limp body with own of his arms slung around her neck.

"Help me carry this fat oaf!" Rukia was barking as Renji hurriedly helped her carry Ichigo.

"What happened?" Toshiro, out of habit of being a captain, was immediately on the scene.

"Memory fit," Rukia said gruffly as she marched past him following Renji to the wooden shack.

Shinji watched them go. "I can't believe she carried him all the way here. You do not want to piss that soul reaper off."

"She's already pissed off," Mashiro pointed out.

"Who cares about them?" Rangiku popped up, sake in hand. "C'mon Mashiro, were outta here."

Dragging away her new partner in crime, Rangiku was completely oblivious to the seriousness of the situation. Toshiro glared daggers at her back, before stomping off after Rukia and Renji. "I'm getting answers. I definitely won't get them here in this rag-tag group of idiots."

* * *

"Ichigo came back? For like a few seconds? What did he say?" Renji pressed as Orihime attempted to heal whatever head injury Ichigo had given himself slumping onto the rock solid ground.

Rukia bit her nail. "He was saying something...something about emotions."

Renji looked at her in confusion "What? That doesn't make any sense! Are you sure he wasn't imagine things while he was talking to you?"

"The look on his face was telling me he wasn't," Rukia said stubbornly. "He said, _'He's after the emotions'_."

Renji's fists tightened. "That still doesn't make any sense."

"Isn't it obvious?" A voice interrupted them.

Rukia and Renji turned around to see Toshiro leaning on the wall with his arms crossed.

"The _he_ must be Kurotsuchi Mayuri."

* * *

A teen marched across the forest, barefoot, his arms and legs crisscrossed with scratches and bruises. He was stocky and tough looking, not someone you'd want to try and mug, for example. His matted brown hair was matted and drenched with sweat due to the day's heat.

Seemingly unaffected by his minor injuries, the teen marched on with his bag full of food on his shoulders. He halted when he arrived at the edge of the forest, listening attentively for the familiar hum. He could go straight back to the centre of Rukongai to feed his sister, or he could go to _that _thing again. He turned sharply to the left, his curiosity getting the better of him.

The hum grew louder and louder, and when the teen finally reached it, he placed his hand against the smooth barrier. He looked past the sky and clouds painted over, crouching down to peer at the part of the barrier that had the paint peeling off. He squinted at what lay behind the paint. His eyes narrowed. The barrier's true colour was black.

* * *

"Zabuto!" a girl screamed delightedly as the teen arrived to their camp base.

"Yuri, I got you your favourite berries," Zabuto smiled as he reached into his bag.

Yuri, his sister, squealed happily, raising her small hands to grab whatever Zabuto gave her. The brown-haired teen ducked into the crudely built wooden house, seating himself on the floor.

The house smelt bad, but it was all the they had. After the Rukongai citizens had all been picked off and the barrier had been placed in order to prevent the remaining few from escaping, Zabuto and Yuri had resulted to scavenging those greedy merchants food and water. But that had all run out too.

Zabuto had resulted to eating roots, berries and whatever else he could find. He could probably hunt for boar, but that crude, rusty looking sword that wasn't even decent enough to cut wood wouldn't be much help.

The sword had been his father's. Until the old man had been killed and left Zabuto and Yuri behind. However, despite their father's absence, it hadn't made much of a difference on the surviving everyday issue. If anything, it had been easier without the adult merchants to chase you down.

A few people lived here, scouring the forests and old abandoned houses for food, but the once crowded streets were mostly empty now.

A ghost village.

That's what the soul reapers had turned it into. Some strange world of emptiness were nothing seemed to exist, enough to drive a man insane. But Zabuto was pretty headstrong. If anything, it had been his mental capacity to adapt that had enabled them to survive this long.

Zabuto jumped as he heard Yuri's ear-piercing scream. He dashed outside, not expected to find Yuri rummaging through the bags of good anymore, but in some sort of trouble. What had happened? Were people hurting her?

A punch landed squarely in his face, knocking him down. He lay there, dazed, blinking away the shock of the blow. There was one thing Zabuto didn't know. And that was how to take a punch. And it hurt so freaking bad.

He looked up, angry, watching as one of the men that had attacked them pulled a bag over Yuri's head and lugged her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. She kicked and screamed, but her arms were bound behind her back.

Zabuto got off the ground, and with a scream of fury, lunged at their aggressors. His punches missed and flailed, and he found himself in a bloody pulp on the ground, winded and his consciousness fading.

But Zabuto had to get up. What did these people want from them? He had to save his sister, or father would never forgive him.

He stumbled upwards, but was easily kicked back down onto the ground.

"What...What do you want from us?" Zabuto screamed as loud as he could muster.

But instead of answering him, the men turned to consult each other, not bothering on whether Zabuto heard or not.

"He's a fighter," one of them said.

"He just might do," said another.

The teen took this as an opportunity to get back up on his feet and headbutt one of them in the gut. But as soon as he did that, he was a goner. The other five were on him, kicking his ribs, his shoulders, his arms, his legs, and when one of the connected with his temple, Zabuto blacked out.

* * *

_Ichigo watches, defeated, as his captor smiles triumphantly. _

"_You see, my dear test subject, it wasn't that hard at all," Mayuri grins with his yellow teeth showing. "If I had known your sisters would have made you talk, I would have brought them out sooner."_

"_Let them go!" Ichigo hisses. _

_Kurotsuchi taps his chin with his abnormally long nail. "Was that an order? It seems we'll have to correct that attitude of yours..."_

_Ichigo cries out in horror as the guard snaps Karin's other wrist._ _A terrible wailing sound fills the whole room as Ichigo calls out Karin's name over and over, but he hears no response from his sobbing sister. She lies curled up on the floor, her chest heaving in pain. Yuzu is knelt down protecting her sister from further attacks, her eyes brimming with tears, too traumatized to cry. _

_It hurts every single part of Ichigo's being. He feels as bad as when his mother had died saving him. Why is he being so selfish? Then Ichigo does something he never expected himself to do. He finds himself begging. _

"_Please don't hurt Karin and Yuzu anymore," Ichigo forces his voice to be more submissive, because even though it hurt his pride, he _had _to protect his sisters. "Please don't hurt them. I'll tell you...anything."_

_It stings. It stings so bad. But Ichigo can't do anything as long as they have his sisters. He promised to protect them, and now Karin is on the floor with two snapped wrists and Yuzu sobbing over her. _

_Mayuri grins victoriously, using the kido again to seek out his answer. Ichigo screams, but this time he doesn't bring down the barrier to protect his mind. Oh, he is going to regret this later, regret it so bad. _

_But Ichigo has no idea for the world of pain he is in for. His vision distorts, Karin and Yuzu start screaming, Mayuri is cackling and he hears some sort of scream that doesn't sound human. _

_It is his. Ichigo's world explodes in agony._

* * *

Rukia watched as Ichigo jolted awake, his body drenched in sweat, his eyes still wide with fear as if he just woke up from a nightmare. Ichigo furiously starts looking around, as if searching for something he can't seem to find.

"Ichigo?" Rukia says as gently as she possibly can, as if this Ichigo will shatter if she raised her voice too loud.

Ichigo snapped his head towards her, his expression distraught and full of horror. He started to tremble uncontrollably under Renji and Hitsugaya's wide open eyes.

Rukia shacked him by the shoulders, trying to get him to snap out of whatever memory-dream he was experiencing.

"Ichigo, look at me. What happened?" she asked, her voice thick.

Ichigo's eyes dart from side to side, and Rukia felt her heart plummet further down to her stomach.

"It's gone," he said, numbly staring at the ground. "Not here."

Rukia frowned. "What?"

He raises one hand to place it over his gut, where his soul is. Then he gave her this haunted look, and Rukia didn't need to ask to understand what that look meant. Ice spread across her veins, freezing her muscles in place.

"He's not here. He's not inside my soul."

* * *

_**And voila! We finally know what Mayuri was after! Sorry for Hollow Ichigo being kinda MIA he's coming very soon! ;)**_

_**Hope you enjoyed this chapter, please review!**_


	4. Chapter 4: My Purpose

To Die Alone: Chapter 4

My Purpose

_**Hi everyone! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in ages! I just haven't gotten the chance to get a hold of a computer until now! **__**Thank you for your support and reviews!**_

_**Here's the next chapter.**_

* * *

The enormous room is dark. If it weren't for the huge screens that lighted up the place, you could have probably walked dead straight into a wall and found yourself flat on your ass without even knowing what hit you. Workers in lab coats typed on the keyboards with manic speed. In the centre of the room, with the biggest screen of all, stood the creepiest man you could have ever seen.

Black and white makeup plastered the hideous man's blue-framed face, along with a pair of dull yellow eyes. He tapped impatiently his knee with an abnormally large nail, waiting for the slender woman with the emotionless eyes to give him her assessment.

"Well Nemu?" the head scientist practically barked out.

The scientists around him seem to work even more furiously then before as he raised his voice to his assistant. He rarely got mad.

"Mayuri-sama, it seems that Kurosaki is gaining his memories back faster than we expected," Nemu said flatly.

Mayuri gave Nemu a wry smile. "And why is that Nemu?"

"As Kurosaki has ever increasingly large reiatsu, it will sooner or later wear out the memory modificator we used on him. He also has an abnormally strong bond with his zanpakuto, which seems to be calling to him, Mayuri-sama," Nemu replied.

Mayuri reflected on this for a moment, before swivelling his chair back around to watch what is going on inside the barrier. He looked on as a brown haired boy stood cowering in front of a black cave, Rukongai villagers poking him forwards with spears and swords.

"What's your reading on this one Nemu?" Mayuri asked, his eyes not leaving the screen.

"He has the biggest reiatsu among the Rukongai candidates so far, Mayuri-sama. The 'Fear' gauge is very high. We have no problems in that department."

"What is the gauge we _are_ having problems with then?" Mayuri snapped.

"The 'Betrayal' gauge."

* * *

Zabuto was scared. His arms were wrapped around himself, clutching his heaving sides as the villagers poked his flesh with their weapons, egging him further into this ominous looking cave. What was in there? Why were the villagers so afraid?

Zabuto searched the crowd of fear-filled gazes. Where was Yuri? He had woken up in this camp after being knocked unconscious. Yuri was missing. Yuri was _missing_. What would his father say if he lost her? Anguish gripped at his heart as he was forced to move closer to the mouth of the cave to avoid being skewered. Were the soul reapers watching this? Did they enjoy his fear?

The reiatsu emanating from the cave crushed his bones, burned his soul, scraped his throat raw. How could he not be scared? All the bravado he had shown when he was attacked by the villagers had melted away like ice in contact with fire.

But what frightened Zabuto the most was the way this strange aura tugged at his mind. It made him feel all swirly and woozy, like he could barely stand up. No, he refused to go in any further. If he took one more step forwards, he was certain he would die.

He howled in pain as a sword dug into his shoulder, and he stumbled forwards until he collapsed into the cave's gapping jaws.

"You're not supposed to injure the sacrifice!" one of the villagers roared in anger at the one who had maimed Zabuto.

So that's what he was to them? A sacrifice? Some kind of food for whatever made them so afraid? The reiatsu was getting closer.

"I didn't know he was going stop!" snarled the other.

The reiatsu smashed into him, his eyes rolling at the back of his head as it seemed to apply pressure on his wound and on his ribcage. He could vaguely hear the screaming of the villagers to get away, and the scatter of feet as they distanced themselves from the monster they would never dare to see.

Then Zabuto saw things, horrible things that he couldn't bear to see. His worst nightmares, all centred around Yuri. It made him want to curl up and die. Wait. Yuri. Where was Yuri? He saw her tear out her own eyes, scream at him to protect her when he was too weak to do so. Yuri, _Yuri. _Then, there was a voice.

But he refused everything. His world faded away into strange disjointed colours, pretty triangles and swirly loops and pools of nothingness.

* * *

"Hey!" Rukia shook the crestfallen teen. "Ichigo!"

"He's not here," Ichigo babbled, a nervous wreck, his eyes darting from side to side. "He's not here!"

"Zangetsu?" Rukia guessed, her forehead creasing with worry. "Are you saying Zangetsu is not inside your soul?"

Ichigo shook his head. Rukia wasn't too sure what it meant, but she assumed she was right, seeing as Ichigo had not appeared like the rest of them with his zanpakuto on his back. In that case...where was it? Was this the reason why Ichigo had lost part of his memories—because he had lost a part of himself?

A shiver wracked through Ichigo's entire body. Renji smacked his fist against one of the walls. "Damn it all!"

He left swiftly, his hands balled up into fists.

"Where are you going Lieutenant Abarai?" Toshiro demanded.

"To look for his zanpakuto! It's gotta be in this dump somewhere! Mayuri just loves messing with our heads, doesn't he?" Renji raged as he charged out of the house.

Hitsugaya wordlessly followed.

Rukia sighed, wondering if it was a good idea to leave the mess of the old Ichigo behind to help the search. She hated herself. She partially wanted to leave because she was afraid. How had the person she had most admired, the person who's resolve had changed the ways of Soul Society become such a nervous wreck? She was afraid that every time she saw Ichigo, her resolve would shrivel away too.

But no. She couldn't abandon Ichigo. She wouldn't. He needed her. He had always come to her aid and never given up on her. She didn't care if the old Ichigo never came back.

"Ichigo," she whispered, staring at him straight in the eyes. "_I_ will protect _you _this time."

* * *

Zabuto laughed. He felt so weird and dizzy. He couldn't exactly remember why, but it was so dark before. Now it was all sunny and hot. Had that scary thing thrown him out or something? Was he dead? Zabuto giggled. He didn't care anymore.

It seemed that his joy seemed to bring some of the villagers creeping up close to have a look at him. One of them poked him with his spear.

"Ow!" Zabuto laughed. "That hurts!"

"Hey," the villager said suspiciously. "We thought he got you. How did you get back out?"

Zabuto touched the tip of the blade, watching as a drop of blood dripped from his finger. "It doesn't hurt as much as that scary thing though."

"Answer my question!" the villager snapped fearfully.

Zabuto did this strange lopsided grin. "I think it didn't like me. Threw me out. I feel all funny!"

The villager glanced at his partner, sighing as he withdrew the spear. "The poor kid's gone crazy."

Zabuto stood up shakily before collapsing back down. "See? I'm totally fine!"

Zabuto thought something was strange. Something wasn't quite right. Was he really insane? Was it all the nightmares that made him feel all funny? After Yuri had carved out her eyeballs out of her sockets, he felt all weird. Like, kinda sad. Was he crazy?

"How did you survive kid?" another villager asked eagerly.

"Better be dead than insane," snorted one.

"His mind was too weak, but it seems his body was strong enough to contain the thing. We're getting closer at least," said another.

"Soul reapers," Zabuto bluttered out. "Stupid soul reapers!"

The villager with the spear cocked a brow. "Soul reapers? It wants soul reapers now?"

"It makes sense," nodded a woman with long blond hair. "They are stronger than us all put together."

The villager scratched his head. "How the hell are we supposed to catch one?"

The woman's eyes glinted with cunning and malice. "We'll have to trick one."

* * *

Rukia watched from the window as the soul reapers organized search parties to look for Ichigo's missing zanpakuto. Hopefully it was even within the barrier and not outside. But Rukia knew for a fact that Mayuri loved games. Especially a searching game. The zanpakuto would be here. Definitely.

She was tempted to leave for the search herself, but she had been chosen to look after Ichigo while they were gone. The thought of 'looking after' Ichigo filled her with sorrow. Ichigo would have never allowed this. He would have blown up the wooden shack if he'd had to, searched every corner of the barrier to find his zanpakuto.

Rukia slammed her fist against the ground, her teeth gritted. Even Orihime had gone along with the search. Rukia felt so _helpless. _She had trained to be strong. But her strength would not come to her aid now.

She watched as Ichigo sat on his heels, his shoulders tense, his eyes on the ground as if he was a scolded child. What was he thinking about? Did he wish he was on the search party too? The soul reapers had refused due to his frail state of mind.

Ichigo suddenly stood up, his brown eyes clear. Rukia's chest fluttered. "Ichigo?"

"I...need to go," he said steadily. "I need to go look for him."

"Zangetsu?" Rukia asked, wondering why Ichigo never pronounced his name.

Ichigo flinched, and Rukia wondered if she had said the wrong thing. He simply nodded tersely. If this had been the old Ichigo, Rukia would have known something was up. But this wasn't the old Ichigo.

She stood up, considering how calm Ichigo seemed now. Would this help him regain what he had lost rather than just sit here?

"Wait here," Rukia ordered as she went outside.

She felt Ichigo's eyes pinned on her back. Her heart fluttered. What was up with him?

She shook her head. Of course. He was a scared a confused boy who had no idea what was going on. Why was she delusioning herself into thinking about such petty things like human emotions?

She needed to leave the others a message in case they came back and found the house empty. She didn't want them to worry for nothing.

She traced a sign in the air. "Bakudo number 22: Hanasutomotta."

She formed a blue glowing orb with her hands. Then she began to speak, knowing that Renji would see the glowing ball of reiatsu and touch it to hear her message.

"_I left with Ichigo to go search for Zangetsu. I believe that it is better than just sitting here doing nothing. I am going to go check out the nearest district Kusajishi, and we'll start off our search there."_

She was about to turn back and fetch Ichigo when she heard an awful bawling sound. Her eyes darted back and forth to find the sound. "Who's there?"

She flashstepped forwards, searching for the child that seemed to be crying in some sort of pain. Her blue-violet gaze finally landed on a sobbing girl with blonde hair. She raced towards her, noticing instantly how she was clutching her leg. What was this girl doing out here in the middle of nowhere.

"Are you alright?" Rukia asked, holding up her hands and using her healing kido to dim the child's pain.

But there was no wound whatsoever.

She felt her zanpakuto being slid out of its sheath.

"She's using kido! She's a soul reaper!" the girl screamed.

Rukia whipped around in shock, her hand grabbing air. Who had stolen Sode no Shirayuki? Jarring pain slammed into her jaw, knocking her backwards. She glanced up, dazed, realizing she was surrounded by ten Rukongai men. _Dammit, _she thought angrily. _I let my guard down. _She had never been good at hand to hand combat. She could use kido, but these were Rukongai citizens. The last thing she wanted to do was burn a hole through them.

"Bakudo 4: Hainawa!" Rukia decided, thinking on her feet.

She continued incantations, slipping past grabbing hands and pinning five men to the ground. One came swinging at her with Sode no Shirayuki. How dare they use her zanpakuto against her? But the distraction was enough, and three men came barrelling into her as she shot another bakudo 4 at the one holding her sword.

She toppled over, one of the men's elbows winding her. She gasped for air as another fist slammed into her jaw. Blood sprayed her face but Rukia refused to scream. Her fist flew blindly past her attacker's head, before Rukia's vision was enveloped in blackness as she was covered with a blindfold.

They tied her hands behind her back, and Rukia's heart thudded. What did they want with her? But what frustrated her more was how could she have been beaten by ten lousy men?

Her eyes covered and her mouth gagged, her hand ached for Sode no Shirayuki. She couldn't wait to beat them up.

"Wonder what it sounds like when a soul reaper begs for mercy," one of the men says with a chuckle.

Rukia heard the sounds of her Hainawa ropes snapping. How could they break them...? Wait. The girl?! Rukia thought her reiatsu felt odd. But what exactly was she? Her eyes held too much malice to belong to a nine year old girl.

It burned away at Rukia's pride as she felt Sode no Shirayuki's sword tip pricking her back. As she moved forwards, it was the first time she considered crying out for help. But with the soul reapers far away, who would hear her?

Rukia never backed down without a fight. Not with Ichigo in the wooden shack all alone. She would protect him for once. She head butted the one with Sode no Shirayuki, grasping blindly for her sword, but it was already gone. She held in a scream of pain as a swift kick was delivered to her face.

She fell backwards, unable to get back up because of her tied hands. A hand suddenly groped along her chest. "You sure you look seventeen, soul reaper? Doesn't feel like you're more than nine."

The other men laugh. Bile rose in Rukia's throat and she swallowed the bitter taste. She resisted the urge to snarl and snap at them. How dare these Rukongai scum touch her, a Kuchiki?

"Stop that," a feminine voice orders.

The girl? Rukia felt like spitting in her face. It was the last time she was rushing over to help someone. They let go of her, and Rukia began to thrash once more. She couldn't let them do what they wanted. She would win. She was strong. But Rukia couldn't deny the fact that she was afraid.

Rukia knew what she was doing wasn't going to be doing her any favours. She was on the ground, while the men stood towering above her. One of them slammed his foot into her head. She screamed in pain, and a fist buried itself into her jaw to silence her. It was dislocated. She was sure of it.

"Ichi—"

Rukia heard a shout, followed by several other cries of pain. There was the sound of thumps. Kicks. Groans. Rukia fumbled along the blindfold, blinking a few times to try and focus as hard as she can on the only face she can see. It is contorted in anger. His eyes are dark brown.

"Ichigo," Rukia croaked.

She closed her eyes, feeling arms wrap around her body, gathering her into his arms, easing one of his arms under her knees. She pressed her face into his shoulder, and there was a strange, hollow silence.

That's when Rukia realized something had changed. Was Ichigo...the real Ichigo? His scent. It's definitely his.

"Rukia," Ichigo said slowly.

It sounded strong and husky, just like the old Ichigo should sound like when he pronounced her name. Her stomach fluttered with relief. The sound of static signalled that Ichigo had flashstepped away from the scene. Were they still in danger?

"Rukia," he said it again, but more tensely this time. "Open your eyes."

It was not a plead. It was worry. She opened her eyes slowly, noticing that one part of her face above her eye was beginning to swell. They were back in the wooden shack. She could see the guilt in his eyes.

"Are you alright?" Ichigo asked, surprising Rukia with how cold and deadly his voice sounded. "Did they...hurt you?"

Rukia bit her lip, refusing to stare at him in the eye. "How much do you...remember...?"

He narrowed his eyes. "I remember enough. The moment I saw you being attacked, I remembered my purpose. My friends. But I don't remember much else."

She felt her sword being pushed into her hands. Ichigo had retrieved Sode no Shirayuki for her. She felt warm. Then she realized how at close proximity they were. She shoved him away, her previous experience leaving a foul aftertaste. She stumbled upwards, using Shirayuki as a cane.

Ichigo didn't offer her his help, just watched her with this guilty look. Had he not noticed that he had her in his arms? Rukia flushed indignantly. But due to her outrage, she hadn't noticed why he had this guilt etched across his face.

"I'm sorry I didn't come fast enough to protect you," he said, his head bowed.

_Not this again. _Rukia groaned. She bit her lip. He was apologizing for not coming fast enough to stop them from groping her. So he knew then.

"I'm alive," she said simply.

A sound of static was heard.

"So this is where you were hiding," the blond girl was now transforming into a women, her body covered in celestial robes and jewellery. "You have even bigger reiatsu than the girl. You must be the one it's looking for."

Ichigo and Rukia stared at her in shock. "Who the hell are you?!"

They receive no answer as the blond woman buried Sodo no Shirayuki into Ichigo's chest. Ichigo clenched his teeth to contain his pain.

"Ichigo!" Rukia shrieked, her hand rising to perform kido.

But she felt herself already being run through. _Impossible. _How had this human obtained such superior flashstep? Was she even human? Rukia crumpled, her blood lapping at her cheeks.

She watched, helpless and defeated, as an unconscious Ichigo got slowly dragged away. She tried one last ditch effort to get up, but failed. She resisted the urge to sob, because now she knew how Ichigo felt like every time he let someone down.

"You will be the perfect body for the being inside the cave."

* * *

_**The end!**_

_**Hopefully I'll be able to update as soon as I can. **_

_**Bye for now, and please review!**_


	5. Chapter 5: Raw Fear

To Die Alone: Chapter 5

Raw Fear

_**Hi everyone!**_

_**I've tried to make this chappy longer just like one of my reviewers requested...but I had to end it off in a cliffhanger just like always~! But this is two pages extra than usual so hope it satisfies! ;)**_

_**I know I don't say much in these A/Ns but that's just cause I want to get on with the story! XD But a big thanks for all your comments and thoughts!**_

_**A dream to start with in this one that will serv**__**e later on in the fic. Enjoy!**_

* * *

Rukia didn't know how long she'd been running, or why she had even turned tail in the first place. Was the proud and noble Kuchiki actually afraid of something? Was there something her long-sought out strength could not accomplish? Yes, she had trained countless days, for countless hours. She had grown significantly stronger. But this physical strength would not help her now.

Rukia's feet refused to move another inch away from him. She whipped around at the sound of a hissing, gurgling sound as he launched himself at her. No, _it_.

_Kaien-dono... _

She found herself begging silently to him. Rukia felt her fingers wrap around like a vice around Sode No Shirayuki until they turned purple.

_Kaien-dono. Please, come back._

She stared blankly and wide-eyed, as the hollow that had possessed her lieutenant's body crowed in delight as it reached a pale green hand towards her, flying at her in mid-air. Time seemed to slow in that single moment. Rukia couldn't move.

_Kaien-dono. Kaien-dono...!_

Rukia's brain was going on overdrive. At this point, she had two choices. Her life or his. She watched in a mixture of disbelief, fear and confusion as she plunged her zanpakuto straight through his heart. Rukia's breath caught in her throat. To her, it felt like she was frozen in this moment for a long time. She heard him whisper his apologies to her, but she was too deep in shock to tell him her first and biggest mistake. As his hand slipped off her back, limp and lifeless, agony ripped through Rukia's heart.

"Kaien-dono!" someone was screaming with a voice that no longer sounded human.

She heard sobs after that, barely aware of her captain standing next to her, and Rukia was truly alone, her lieutenant's body hanging limply over her crimson stained sword. Who was making such pathetic weeping sounds? Who was so weak as to give in to tears, the sign of giving up of the soul?

The sobs, the screaming, it was all hers.

* * *

When Rukia sat up with a shocked scream, she found herself draped over with covers. She immediately felt the burning pain of her wound as she doubled over with a wince. She blinked. Wound?

"Rukia. Tell me what happened. Now."

Rukia glanced up at Kukkaku, who'd been out searching for Zangetsu... Everything came crashing back to her. She glared furtively at the window. She froze. It was night-time.

"Ichigo!" Rukia gasped. "Where is Ichigo?"

Kukkaku frowned disapprovingly at her. "You tell me."

"Rukongai citizens... They took him! And this woman..." Rukia blurted, unconcerned of telling the story but more for running after them to save Ichigo.

Her hand was slapped away as she attempted grasp Sode No Shirayuki. She glanced up, her eyes locking with Kukkaku's blazing ones.

"Oh no, you don't! Me and Ganju are the first to come back and there's blood all over the ground and one person instead of two! What the hell happened?" Kukkaku roared.

Rukia, to her frustration, began filling Kukkaku in on the details. They should be doing this on the run. They should be searching for Ichigo—saving him from the lady that clearly wasn't human and was manipulating the Rukongai citizens into fulfilling her bad deeds.

Kukkaku called her brother at once and both geared up for a fight while Rukia stubbornly insisted on coming. The fireworks expert refused at first.

"I don't want to make the same mistake," Rukia hobbled over with her sword as a support, the dream she had had hitting her full force. "I won't let someone die because of my weakness again."

This dream... it hadn't returned since Ichigo had saved her from her execution. Why was it coming back now?

Kukkaku narrowed her eyes at Rukia. Only Kaien Shiba's sister would know what she was talking about.

"Alright," she said finally. "I'll finish up healing you on the way."

Rukia didn't know if it was out of pity or acceptance, but she didn't care as long as she repaired her fault. She had been given the simple task of protecting Ichigo, and yet, she had failed.

She slipped Sode No Shirayuki into her belt and began to jog at half steady, half staggering pace in front of Kukkaku, Ganju speeding on ahead.

Rangiku groaned in frustration. She had searched under every slab of rock, every rotting wooden house for Ichigo's zanpakuto. It was clear that the search was completely clueless to begin with. Why bother? Her nails were chipped, and she was in desperate need for sake due to the lack of success they had. She was glad when Renji decided to call it a day. Thank god she was with Shinji and the redhead. Her captain would be out there searching come hell or high waters.

They flash-stepped across the air, hardening the air particles under their feet as the three black shapes darted across the sky. It was only when they reached a certain distance from Kukkaku's house that they felt a dark and ominous reiatsu. Renji halted in the air. "What's that?"

"The reiatsu is well masked," Shinji commented after awhile, as the team continued to be exposed to this darkly powerful reiatsu. "I have one suggestion but... That's impossible..."

the vizard narrowed his eyes fearfully.

"What are you saying Hirako!" Rangiku moaned in confusion.

That was when Ichigo's reiatsu disappeared.

"Shit!" Shinji hissed and disappeared with a flashstep.

Renji and Rangiku exchanged one alarmed glance before they darted off after their comrade.

* * *

Ichigo sat up silently, his hand instinctively holding his bandaged wound that was wrapped around his bare chest. His eyes darted around the room, which he found took the shape of a tent. He was sweating feverishly, as if the crushing weight he had felt before when that woman had cut him would never leave him again. Something odd and dark had formed in his mind, and it refused to leave him. The air hissed at him like it was a person, this strange reiatsu ripped at his soul like an animal. What...What did it want from him? Why had he been brought here?

Without Zangetsu, he was helpless. He wondered where his zanpakuto was now. His eyes screwed up in concentration. What had happened before he'd been thrown in here?

Kurotsuchi Mayuri... Was he watching him now?

It seemed he had not regained all his memories. He tried to stand up shakily, only to find that he had been tied up by a strange rope around a wooden post. It seemed to be sucking out all his reiatsu. The teen twisted and squirmed, but the ropes only got tighter. Was this...kido? It was probably that woman again. Didn't they realize she wasn't human? He let out a groan of frustration. Ichigo began imagining all forms of torture they could perform on him. After all, what can you do when you were left alone for hours, with no one to talk to?

They could set fire underneath his feet and he could watch as his flesh charred into a red raw mess as he struggled against the wooden post. Maybe they had dogs and would make them eat him alive. Or maybe—

Ichigo halted in mid-thought. Why was he scaring himself? As far as he recalled, he'd always kept calm in a situation like this. Was it this constant bone-crushing reiatsu that crumbled out of his mind all rationality? Fear. Ichigo shivered.

The tent flap was so suddenly thrown open, Ichigo jumped. His muscles tensed up, coiling and ready to fight. But it was a girl who popped her head around the entrance. Ichigo's eyes narrowed in misgiving. The last time he'd seen a harmless little girl, she'd turned into something inhuman and stabbed him in the stomach.

The black-haired girl came in with a bowl of soup, but Ichigo immediately noticed her limp. She stumbled, Ichigo wincing as half of its contents spilled over his lap. The teen couldn't help the yelp that escaped his lips. "Watch it!"

The girl instantly recoiled, curling up into a ball. "I'm sorry. Please. Please."

Ichigo frowned as he noticed the bruises that covered her face and arms. The orange head couldn't help the softness that came over him. This girl reminded him so much of his sisters.

"Hey, girl. Who did that to you?" he demanded.

She flinched. "They'll beat me if I don't do what they want."

Ichigo opened his mouth to speak, but she was already backing out of the tent. "I'll get something to clean up. Sorry. Sorry."

A pang of guilt jarred through the teen for his previous hostility. For now, she was his only link to what was happening outside. He waited for her to return, and when she did, he offered to help her clean up. But she shook her head too fast. "They'll beat me if I let you go."

Ichigo blinked. He'd forgotten he had his hands tied. She fed him the new bowl of soup, and the teen could tell just by the new fresh set of bruises that what she kept on repeating was true. He watched her eat, her eyes darting to stare at him nervously every once and awhile.

"What do they want from me?" Ichigo asked, anxious for answers.

He couldn't wait for information any longer from this incredibly shy girl.

"We need food to eat. As does the thing that lives in the cave. You are the food," the girl said simply.

Ichigo stared at her bewilderment. He was food? Did he look like a ham and cheese Panini to her? He vaguely recalled calling someone that by mistake a while back... In one of his fights as a soul reaper maybe? He couldn't remember those quite well yet.

"Hey. I'm not food. Let's just make that clear," Ichigo spat.

"It needs a body," the girl muttered.

The teen's eyes narrowed. Just what kind of 'monster' was this? That's when he noticed another boy, about his age, peering into the tent. His gaze was settled intently on Ichigo.

"Who's that?" Ichigo gestured with his head.

The girl dropped her head forwards and her shoulders hunched over. "He's my brother. But the monster killed him."

Ichigo blinked in confusion. That's when the boy stumbled in and plopped himself right next to them. The smile on his face was strangely odd.

"Zabuto," the boy said numbly. "She's Yuri."

"Ichigo," the teen frowned.

Zabuto narrowed his eyes at him again, squinting as if he couldn't seem him properly. "Are you real?"

Ichigo glanced at Yuri for help. What kind of question was that?

"Yes," Yuri answered her brother stiffly. "He's real, okay?"

The girl then turned to Ichigo.

"He was the one that was sacrificed to the monster in the cave before you. His mind couldn't handle the mosnter's power. He's...insane," she explained painfully.

Ichigo's eyes widened, his gut twisting painfully as he stared at the boy who was his age. Was this what was going to happen to him?

"The monster cannot move on its own, is my guess," Yuri said. "It needs a powerful host to contain it."

Ichigo flinched. "What makes them think that I'm a good candidate?"

"Soul reapers! Stupid soul reapers!" Zabuto blurted out.

"It was the thing in the cave that asked for a soul reaper," Yuri explained for Zabuto.

The teen tensed up. There was no way he was giving his body away to some monster.

"How come it didn't possess you?" Ichigo attempted to ask Zabuto.

Zabuto stared above him, left, right, down at the floor and at Yuri, like as if he couldn't quite pinpoint Ichigo's location.

"At first the men here thought it didn't want him because his mind had become too weak to contain it. But then we realized that Zabuto's body itself wasn't strong enough. The usual sacrifices come out with blood coming out of their mouths and eyes. Zabuto's body was strong, but his body would disintegrate in a few weeks since it cannot contain all of the monster's essence," Yuri said somberly. "The suspicious woman knew all about it. Something's not right about her, I know it."

Ichigo wondered how Zabuto's sister could talk about her brother's sacrifice so casually, but it was probably because she knew he brother couldn't fully understand what she was saying, so it wouldn't hurt him. He wanted to know more, much more, because he wasn't going to just sit there and take it while a monster took over his body. He would have to ask the only person who had experienced it and was still alive.

"Zabuto," Ichigo said anxiously, hoping the mad boy would understand him, "You have to tell me how you did it—how you resisted the monster's takeover."

Yuri opened her mouth to protest, worried for her brother as he started to shiver uncontrollably. She clutched his shoulder firmly as if to remind him she was here. There was a prolonged silence before Zabuto spoke. "It showed me things."

"Like what, Zabuto?" Yuri asked quietly.

"Father wanted me to protect Yuri and stuff, see, and it showed me things. Things about Yuri. You know she's all happy all the time, but then, then, she's tearing out her eyeballs and she's crying and saying its my fault, it was driving me mad, I know I am, maybe, maybe," Zabuto half shivered, half giggled before doing his strange lopsided grin.

Ichigo was furious. How could humans do such a thing to this poor kid? And that monster in the cave was nothing but a…well, monster.

"So…he uses fear to gain control of your body, huh?" Ichigo concluded in a terrified whisper.

"'Give him to me, the soul reaper,' it said. But no, no, I refused," Zabuto continued to babble incoherently. "Refuse, refuse."

_Refuse him. _Ichigo narrowed his eyes. Maybe he could do that. But would he really be able to face up to his fears? The teen looked up at the crazed boy. "Thank you, Zabuto. I'll try."

Zabuto gave him his lopsided grin. It was the last thing he saw before two pairs of hands shot out from the tent flap, cut the binds that tied him to the pole, and threw him outside. Ichigo gasped painfully as his face bashed against the scaly ground.

His hands were still bound behind his back, and he tried to flare his reiatsu desperately in hopes of the soul reapers finding him, but his reiatsu was almost completely suppressed by the bindings.

Spears and other weapons encircled him. His eyes searched the crowd for Zabuto and Yuri, but they were nowhere to be seen. He hoped they'd be alright. His glare fell upon the woman that had stabbed him.

"You bitch!" with a snarl he threw himself at her smirking face, but not before the butt of a spear was slammed into the back of his head, effectively knocking him unconscious. He was vaguely aware of Zabuto, who had gotten a hold of a spear trying to fend them away in a crazed struggle, only to be easily swatted aside before Ichigo faded away into the black.

* * *

Ichigo woke up when his body wracked a massive shudder. He tried to blink away the red spots dancing in his eyes, however, when he finally did, he noticed that his surroundings were completely shrouded in darkness. He couldn't see an inch in front of his nose.

But that wasn't what frightened him. It was the overpowering reiatsu. It was so close, threatening to crush his bones into dust. It resounded and rang through his body, causing Ichigo to collapse once again against the hard ground.

He groaned in pain, feeling his wound start to worsen. He regretted not having the little reiatsu he had gathered ever since he'd been thrown into this strange world. At least he would have had a chance. Now, because of his bindings, his reiatsu had shrunken to the size of those Rukongai scum.

It was so dark, Ichigo couldn't tell which way he should head to get out of here. He had clearly been thrown into the cave. He couldn't—wouldn't, be prey to this monster, to this thing that seemed to be obsessed in finding a body. He faintly recalled Zabuto defending him even in his helpless state. If he ever got out of here alive, he would thank him then.

So Ichigo remained pinned to the ground, helpless, his hands bound behind his back. He attempted to get up, but it felt like there was a hundred ton weight crashing down on his back.

Suddenly, Ichigo's bindings were snapped in half.

Ichigo's eyes widened as his reiatsu flared out suddenly, the endless tap finally being released from its limiter. Ichigo sprang up and started running in a random direction, away from the thing that had released him. It was here. His heart hammered against his ribs.

He can hear the thing give chase. The reiatsu is so close, Ichigo can taste it. It wreathed and wrapped around him with a sickening aura. Ichigo could feel the glee and satisfaction of his pursuer as it chased after the teen.

Ichigo cried out as he ran straight into one of the caves' walls, the jagged rocks grazing his cheek. His stomach wound had opened again. He could suddenly feel the reiatsu that feels like hands pinning him down, kicking and squirming under his attacker's hold.

The darkly powerful reiatsu suddenly makes a strange static sound, and before Ichigo can react, his world explodes into agony. He can vaguely hear someone screaming in pain, and he knows it's his own voice crying out for help.

_Karin. Yuzu. Dad. He had to protect them. Had to_

_No! Rukia. He'd save her. He promised he wouldn't let them_

_This guy…He was immortal. He simply would not die. How long would it take for him to beat him? How could he love battle so much? Did he himself enjoy_

_He wouldn't let this worthless excuse for a brother kill his own sister. He'd crush him until_

_What is this? He felt…nothing. Who... Who was that guy? Was that…_**him**_?_

_He'd show Aizen not to mess with his friends. He had kidnapped Orihime_

_Grimmjow was right. He had not come here just to grab the woman and run. He had come here to _**Kill. **

_There's a hole. There's a hole where his heart is. He can't feel…anything. Was that monster out there really _**him**_? Damn_

_Everyone out there was counting on him. Why couldn't he_

_He was afraid. He was afraid of himself. Was that really possible? Zangetsu was_

_He would end this…in an instant. _

_Rukia was gone. Along with his powers, his resolve_

_Fullbring. He could protect _

_Soul Society…had betrayed him? Were they afraid of his power? Is that why they created his badge?_

_But they were right to be afraid. Ichigo could be turned into a malevolent weapon _

_Yamamoto had sealed himself away_

_Mayuri had caught Ichigo. He was running all sorts of experiments to mess up his mind, make him a weapon _

_Ichigo wouldn't give in, but he was breaking_

_He hated Soul Society. Hated it. His mind was all fuzzy and he didn't know why he hated it but_

_Karin. Yuzu. He wouldn't believe what Mayuri said ever again. He wouldn't kill_

"I didn't kill anybody," Ichigo whispered hoarsely as his memories came flying back to him. "No. NO!"

He could practically see his attacker grin.

"**Welcome back to reality…Your Majesty."**

* * *

_**Yay~! Let's stop it the~re! (evil grin ^^)**_

_**Finally I got this done! Cookies for anyone who guessed in the past chapters who it was in the cave~! 8D Did I do crazy Zabuto alright? I found that to be the hardest part. **_

_**Making the difference in between someone who's clinically insane and someone who's drunk was hard to write, because I've never seen an insane person before! DX (Yes, Shiro is a different kind of insane 3)**_

_**Please review, comment, and ask away! Thanks **_


	6. Chapter 6: I Refuse Me

To Die Alone: Chapter 6

I Refuse Me

_**Sorry had to re-update this chapter cause it had so many mistakes! X( (had to write it in a hurry cause I was leaving for the day) I'm thrilled by all your reviews so far!**_

_**And here we are back with another chapter! Hope you're enjoying your holidays and your fanfiction reading! And btw **__**warm**__** cookies for everyone who guessed! ;) Let's get on with this chappy! O.O **_

_**Lots of flashbacks coming right up!**_

* * *

_I am nothing. _

Rukia stared. She held on to her confident mask, but she found herself struggling to keep it on. Part of her felt like throwing a fit. The other felt like reaching out and—

_Stop. Don't do this to yourself. _

Oh, how fate loved to toy with her. She had served Soul Society however she could, and _this _was how karma repaid her?

He looked at her now, with his face set in this permanent frown. But wait, that wasn't supposed to be there, Kaien-dono never wore a scowl—

_He is nothing. Get back to your soul reaper duties. _

"It's near," she murmured to herself, forcing her gaze straight forwards.

She strode purposefully across the room, intent on finding the hollow. She felt a sudden kick aimed at her butt, and she gasped in surprise as she toppled over. The light was flipped on.

"What's near?! If you're talking about the safe, then you're even stupider than I expected! Pretty cocky for a burglar ain'tcha?" his voice demanded.

Shock and dismay spread through Rukia's body. She slowly turned around, picking herself up off the ground. "Wait…you can _see _me?"

His scowl set itself deeper into his forehead. "Considering that's my _foot_ I planted into your behind, _you_ tell _me_."

Rukia couldn't take it anymore. She found herself reaching out to hold his chin. Kaien-dono…

_I am nothing._

Did fate enjoy torturing her so much? To present to her a boy that resembled Kaien-dono?

_Rukia. Calm down. Breath. It's not him. Remember. Your emotions, you, are nothing. _

Rukia realized she was staring too long, as the human boy's eyes began to question her. She had left the tips of her fingers just barely touching his chin a little too long than she should. She quickly covered up her pause, turning his chin from side to side as if to examine him. "Strange. I've never seen a human who could see soul reapers before. You must be defective in some way—"

_De…Defective? Is that really what I said Kaien-dono? _

His expression went from puzzled to angry. He aimed another kick at Rukia. "Defective?! I'll show you defective…!"

Rukia easily jumped up and over his head and landed lightly on the other side. The human boy gasped as he stumbled a bit before regaining his balance. "Why you…!"

_You're wrong Kuchiki Rukia. 'Defective' is not the right word. It is indeed something that is different, something that does not quite fit in. But that is not the right word to describe Kurosaki Ichigo. You'll realize that, as this 'defective' human boy stands between you and the flames of your destruction, that he is not defective. You'll come to know that, as he defends the people who condemn him with their eyes, then change their unwavering ways because of his unchanging heart that he is, like Kaien-dono… Unique. Ah, that is the word. Unique, because even though it was created by mistake it is…_

Perfect. So unbelievably, yet truly perfect.

* * *

Kukkaku continued to run behind Rukia, Ganju scanning up ahead for the nearest concentration of Rukongai citizens. Kukkaku frowned in confusion as she caught a glimpse of Rukia's face as it turned to the side a little as if to scan the area, but her gaze was faraway, and the corners of her mouth curled into a warm smile. It surprised the older woman. She had never seen Rukia smile so warmly when the soul reaper was around Kaien's siblings.

They were usually always a sense of discomfort to her, as if a permanent reminder that she had killed their brother. It was hard for Ganju and Kukkaku themselves to be around the soul reaper. Even though Kaien's murder was not entirely her fault, it brought bad memories.

Was Rukia thinking about her brother? Kukkaku already knew that Kaien had had a wife. Rukia had later on assured her that she had harboured no such high affection towards her brother, apart from the standard subordinate-lieutenant relationship. But Kukkaku had her doubts. The way in which Rukia spoke about Kaien, with such passion and admiration was questionable.

It was hard when Yoruichi had come to her, warning her not to overreact when she saw the face of one of her guests. That was the first time she had heard of her brother's look-alike. Even when Ganju had come in late after one of his boar-rides one night, he seemed strangely quiet after she'd given him a good beating. He mentioned meeting a soul reaper. One that resembled their brother.

Even when she greeted her visitors along with Yoruichi, she had to put on a very good poker-face when she first saw Kurosaki Ichigo. She had reminded herself to kill Yoruichi once the Rukia rescue was over. How ironic was it that the look-alike was to go save the very person who had killed Kaien?

The fact that Ganju picked a fight with Ichigo in her house hadn't made her throbbing heart any better. This 'visitor' had turned into one of her worst nightmares. This 'visitor' was doing _exactly _what Kaien did! Kaien was always fighting with Ganju back when he was still alive.

Every time he visited, Ganju would attack him and they'd kill each other while Kukkaku drank some sake. Why did the stupid dandelion head have to go and do just what he _wasn't _supposed to do?Hell, Kukkaku knew Ganju got a kick out of it because it brought memories back for him, and it amused her more than it made her want to hurt. So she blew up the house like she usually did every time Kaien and Ganju fought, for old times sake. No wonder she had to move so often.

She looked back in front of her, noticing Rukia stride across the air more confidently. The healing process was over. Kukkaku withdrew her healing hands away from Rukia's back. Kukkaku smirked bitterly. _And on we go, sister, brother and murderer to go rescue you, Kaien._

* * *

Ichigo was hallucinating again. When will this ever end? His brain was all hazy, but he was clinging on to his sanity because his life actually did depend on it. He had to stay strong. Face his fears. But which ones were real? Which ones weren't? What if **he's **lying about all this?

_Nine-year old Ichigo heard a train go by. There was something wet and warm on his face. He opened his eyes, instantly greeted by the weeping night sky. Why was it weeping? Was it…something he'd done? _

_**It's all my fault.**_

_His brown orbs slowly moved to his left. A wisp of his mother's brown hair. His eyes widened in horror. He pulled himself from underneath his mother's deadweight, panic rising in his body. _

"_Mommy?"_

_**It's all my fault.**_

_Ichigo shook her, but as the time prolonged where she didn't respond, he shook her more and more violently. "Mommy? Mommy!" _

The teen knew this wasn't actually happening. But it had happened. It was real.

"Stop,"he begged his attacker who was sending him these hallucinations.

_After a few minutes, his actions stopped. He stared blankly and uncomprehendingly at her body. She was dead. His mother, Masaki, was dead. All because of him. _

"Stop it."

_A sob wracked through his entire body as fat pathetic tears rolled down his cheeks as he returned to his hopeless attempt to resuscitate her body with relentless shaking. He vaguely felt someone watching him, but he ignored it, too caught up in the moment— _

"STOP!" Ichigo found himself screaming as he wrestled with his attacker, back in the darkness of the cave. "I refuse you. I refuse to let you control my body!"

He felt a wave a surprise coming from it, this monster, the same that had plagued him for the entirety of his soul reaper life.

His inner hollow.

Its surprise was enough for Ichigo to wriggle free from its grip and he managed to stand up again, stumbling as he did so. He ran, not knowing if he was heading deeper into the cave or away from it. To his surprise, his hollow did not give chase.

To his biggest relief, he saw light up ahead. He tore across the ground for it, not caring whether it sizzled his eyes out of his skull, just grateful for it being there. With the last of his strength, he made it out of the cave before crashing to the ground in a gasping mess.

"Soul reaper is here!" said a triumphant voice.

Ichigo looked up weakly. His mind still felt all dizzy from the hallucinations. That's when he saw two familiar figures. A hand was held to his face. He awkwardly took it to pull himself up, only to stare into Zabuto's odd face. Yuri walked up with a shocked look on her face, as beaten up and as battered as Zabuto. That was when Ichigo remembered the siblings coming to his defence when he had been taken away into the cave.

"Thank you," Ichigo said, hoping they would both understand that it wasn't just for the help up.

To his surprise, Zabuto gave him his usual lopsided smile, while Yuri blinked, not expecting a thank you. She crossed her arms, her face taking an expression that seemed far beyond her age. "Zabuto insisted you would come out alive. I didn't expect you to come back out, but not only that, you don't look crazy. I came here anyway cause Zabuto wouldn't stop yammering."

"He promised, he promised" Zabuto chorused.

Their reunion was cut short by a huge explosion. Dust and debris filled the wind as three of the tents blew up nearby. Ichigo covered his face with his arm, while Zabuto shivered uncontrollably and held his hands to his ears. Yuri grabbed Ichigo's hand and tugged as the aftershock of what seemed to be an attack subsided.

"Where are we going?" Ichigo protested. "And what was that blast?"

"I don't think we should stick around and find out. And the people of Kusajishi don't know you've come out alive, let alone unscathed! If they knew, they'd capture you again and throw you back in."

Ichigo wasn't sure what she meant by 'unscathed'. He shivered. There had been plenty of times where he had not come out particularly unscathed after an encounter with his inner hollow. This was one of them.

He resisted the pull of his arm as the siblings tried to hide him in the shadows. "Wait."

That reiatsu. Even though he sucked at sensing that crap… He could at least tell it belonged to soul reapers. His eyes widened. _Soul reapers. _It had to be the others. They'd come to rescue him.

But Ichigo wasn't the frail kid who needed to be rescued anymore. His eyes flashed briefly with anger. He had made a traumatizing return with one hell of a rude awakening, but he was here. That blonde woman was dangerous. He wasn't about to let anyone get hurt because of her.

"They're my friends," Ichigo explained to a puzzled Yuri.

"Are you just gonna rush in with your bare hands then?" Yuri frowned.

That stubbornness reminded Ichigo of Karin. His heart ached slightly at the thought of his sisters. Where were they now? Were they even…still alive?

"I'll go anyway," Ichigo scowled, his jaw setting in a hard line. "I can't just let fight on their own."

However, before Yuri could protest, the fight was brought to them. Ganju nosedived right at a startled Zabuto's feet, fireworks filling his hands. Next was Shinji battling with the blonde woman, with Renji covering him with Zabimaru. Rukia skid to halt in front of Ichigo, battered and out of breath.

"Heya dandelion head," Ganju grinned at Ichigo from Zabuto's trembling feet.

Ichigo's brows knitted tightly together. "Get up ape man, your making the poor kid piss his pants just by the sight of your face."

"What was that?!" was the immediate blaring response from an angry Ganju as the two both stood nose to nose. "Is that what you call someone who came to rescue your sorry ass?!"

"You heard me!" Ichigo screamed, before they both received kido blasts to the head, courtesy of Rukia.

That was when Kukkaku came sprinting along with a horde of Rukongai citizens at her heels, all waving spears and rusty swords in the air.

"Crap!" Ganju yelled. "Why did you have to bring them over here, sis?!"

"Shut up and deal with it!" Kukkaku responded, giving her brother a blow to the jaw.

Ichigo's head twisted from side to side, vainly searching for a weapon he could use. He didn't find any. That's when he noticed something odd about Zabuto. Yuri noticed it too. He was staring blankly at something beyond Ichigo's shoulder, his eyes unfocused and hazy.

"Zabuto? Is there something wrong?" came Yuri's anxious question.

Ichigo didn't get the chance to see what Zabuto was staring at as the horde encircled the group of intruders, cutting Yuri and Zabuto off from the rest of them. Ichigo attempted to reach for them, but was thrown back into the middle of the circle full of spears and swords aimed at them.

"Ichigo," Rukia finally addressed him, fended off a spear aimed at his throat. "Are you alright?"

Ichigo stood up, putting himself into a fighting stance. "Everything's…fine."

Rukia turned to give him a condescending look just as she sliced a gash in one of the citizens' hand, making him let go of the weapon he was holding. "Ichigo…that reiatsu in that cave—"

"I know!" Ichigo shouted angrily as he sent a kick a man's way, dislodging the sword in his hands and taking it for himself. "I know…That's what I was trying to tell you."

Rukia frowned. "Ichigo, the only thing you told us was that Zangetsu was missing!"

"You just assumed that!" Ichigo shot back. "I barely had any of my memories back then… What I was trying to tell you was that my inner hollow wasn't in my soul!"

"But Zangetsu…"

"He…he _is_ Zangtesu," Ichigo admitted to himself.

Rukia gave him a confused stare before throwing herself back into battle. Kukkaku was blasting away at the ground, using the shockwaves to send people flying backwards into tents and debris, while Ganju used his fireworks to get the same result. Ichigo used the poor excuse for a sword that he had obtained and slashed at people's limbs, hoping to injure them, not kill them.

"Your inner hollow…is Zangetsu," Rukia stated haltingly as they crossed each other to protect each other's backs.

"They are one and the same," Ichigo explained, before he added in realization, "I remember now. Mayuri was searching to find my inner hollow. I don't know what he wants with him but…that bastard split him away from my soul. Along with Zangetsu, apparently."

He watched Rukia rage from the corner of his eye. She was not looking to injure them. She was straining for a good opportunity to do whatever left them an inch from their life. After the incident back at Kukkaku's house where they had attempted to kidnap her, Rukia was a merciless blade.

"Mayuri and his stupid games…" Rukia muttered under her breath. "Pulling things apart and building them back up again like pieces of lego…"

What Rukia said made him shudder. 'Building it back up again'? Ichigo was sure Rukia had mentioned it unintentionally, but could there be some truth in what the petite soul reaper had said? Had Mayuri set this all up simply to see Ichigo's hollow attempt to control Ichigo's body once again? Or simply put them back into one being once again?

"Could it really be…that you'll become possessed once again?" he heard Rukia whisper under her breath.

The teen slammed the flat part of the blade into another man's face. He watched from the corner of his eye Shinji and Renji fight the woman, Rangiku firing kido spells. Being forced to fight, the woman could no longer conceal her reiatsu any longer. Her reiatsu was at least the level of an espada.

"Zabuto, _no_!" a strangled cry broke through the air.

"Yuri!" Ichigo gasped as he recognized the little girl's voice.

He strained to see what was going on, but the horde of men kept on blocking his view of the two siblings. What had happened? Were they being attacked? Ichigo pushed through the throngs of men, battling his way through. He felt Kukkaku sharply tug the collar of his green hakama and drag him back into the increasingly widening circle. "Don't be stupid! You'll end up being surrounded on your own!"

Ichigo groaned in frustration. It was so much easier to kill a bunch of hollows than these idiots, but they were human souls, which made it ever so difficult to make them stay down. It took them at least a few minutes to have knocked out absolutely all of them. Ganju was rasping for breath, having run out of fireworks to work with.

Ichigo's glare darted from side to side, vainly searching for Zabuto and Yuri. He saw a small figure curled up on the ground. He started towards her, but a blade came crashing towards him. He barely had time to block with his poor excuse of a blade. The zanpakuto cut through his like butter, before lodging itself into his shoulder. Ichigo let out a scream.

"Ichigo!" Rukia and Rangiku were the first to dart towards him.

Rangiku stopped short as she stared at the newcomer. "You…"

Rukia brought her sword barring to her front as she fended the sword away from the orange-haired teen. The other simply jumped back, not affected by Rukia at all.

"Harribel," Rangiku whispers in shock.

The 3rd espada stared at the three of them witheringly, before she raised her head to the blonde woman fighting Renji in the sky. "Jaspa. We're leaving."

The blonde woman, Jaspa, sonidoed down to Harribel side, while Renji and Shinji dropped down to face them off along with Rukia, Kukkaku, Ganju and Rangiku. Ichigo didn't know who this 'Harribel' was, but the two espadas were clearly working together.

Ichigo felt sick to his stomach. His hollow's reiatsu in the cave was growing stronger by the minute. How could that be? Didn't the hollow spirit need a body to walk around with? Then why was it suddenly growing so powerful? Ichigo glanced around, but no one else seemed to notice. Was he the only one who did?

Ichigo clutched his shoulder and gritted his teeth together. He flinched as he felt the hollow reach into his mind again. Ichigo's vision blurred before he found himself swaying towards the ground. He vaguely heard someone call his name before fading away.

* * *

"Kurosaki-kun."

Ichigo felt as if his heart was pounding inside his head, putting him in a right foul mood.

"Kurosaki-kun?"

Ichigo put a hand in front of his face to shield himself from the strange yellowish light above him. It subsided, as if realizing that Ichigo was blinded by it.

"Sorry about that Kurosaki-kun," a voice giggled nervously nearby.

Ichigo fully awoke, noticing he was draped over with covers. Orihime was sat next to him, doing that nervous fidgeting she did with her hands. Ichigo didn't understand it, but as his mind drifted to other things, his eyes widened considerably. He remembered. His inner hollow. How his much hated enemy had not pursued him. Tier Harribel stabbing him.

Ichigo sat bolt upright, looking around wildly. Kensei, Renji and Rukia were there. They were all back in Kukkaku's house.

"Where did Harribel and Jaspa go?" Ichigo asked instantly.

"They made their escape. Shinji, Renji and Toshiro are after them, but so far, they haven't found a trace of them," Kensei responded gruffly.

"How in the world did they get here in the first place?" Ichigo asked.

"Either Mayuri threw them in or they just got stuck here like the rest of Rukongai. Although I'm sure Harribel was killed in the Winter War," Rukia said, furrowing her brows.

"How do you feel?" Orihime asked Ichigo.

He glanced at her. "Better. Wh-what did you guys do about my inner hollow?"

Renji and Rukia exchanged a glance. Renji took a deep breath. "Ichigo, your hollow's reiatsu disappeared. Plus, we had your injured ass on our minds, as well as those two espadas that shouldn't be here in the first place."

Ichigo threw his arms up in the air. "You guys are hopeless! Don't you realize how dangerous my hollow is? What if he…"

The teen trailed off, staring at the ground as Kensei scrutinized him harshly. The glare sent his way said everything. Ichigo was one to talk when he'd got himself injured and strangely passed out for no reason.

It was already disturbing enough to know that his hollow was out of his body. And how could his hollow's spiritual pressure have disappeared? If it was enough that if so much the reiatsu touched Ichigo's mind he would black out, it must be difficult to conceal. Ichigo shivered. What if it was still down in that cave, preying on the Rukongai citizens who are probably just waking up?

He felt a hand on his shoulder. Rukia.

"Don't worry Ichigo, we'll find him. It's just good to see you have all your memories back."

Ichigo tensed. _My memories. _What he had seen in that cave—what his hollow had showed him—was that true…too?

* * *

Tier Harribel landed back in their original base in Kusajishi, closely followed by Jaspa Alvarez, the new espada. Silently, the 3rd espada began to pace across the clearing and through the remnants of their fight with the soul reapers.

"It was a nice touch to double back here, Harribel," Jaspa smiled maliciously. "It appears we've lost them."

Harribel ignored her, instead raising her head when she sensed a presence coming towards them. The two espadas waited expectantly for the individual to make his appearance. It was a teen with brown hair and tanned skin.

"Well hello, Zabuto," Jaspa greeted humorously.

The teen proceeded towards them, albeit stiffly, as if he wasn't used to walking. He raised his head, and from an outsider's point of view, you'd think that everything about Zabuto was wrong. Dead wrong.

"_Don't_ call me that," said the teen.

It was then that his tanned skin began to pale considerably, his face began to change and black ink began to spread over his scleras. The two espadas watched as the individual drew itself up, a wicked grin tugging on its pure white lips as it stared at them with that forever mocking expression on its face.

The individual looked exactly like Kurosaki Ichigo, but bleached.

"**I don't have a name."**

* * *

_**Dundundun~!**_

_**Poor Zabuto got possessed! Yup, that's his whole purpose in this fic. XD**_

_**Hope you liked it and please review!**_


	7. Chapter 7: Despair and Die

To Die Alone: Chapter 7

Despair and Die

_**Hello all!**_

_**It's been awhile, but I'm back with another chapter! I've read all your awesome reviews, and **__**not to worry, I never had the intention of Ichigo gaining Shiro's powers in the first place! I'm gonna let Shiro be free for a while…and no doubt an impending battle! Will take into account a tie. :D I'm open to any other suggestions or ideas people might want to see in this fic.**_

_**Here's the chapter with a juicy 9 pages, enjoy.**_

* * *

Mayuri squinted at the large screen in front of him, his yellow teeth revealed by his large grin and his face twisted in raw malice. He watched Kurosaki reject his hollow counterpart, before it took over one of the Rukongai test subject's body.

But that body would easily deteriorate if the hollow remained in it for a few weeks. Without a body, the hollow risked having its soul dilapidated by the reishi in the air, since it never had had a material body strong enough to live without Kurosaki's own soul to sustain it. It was therefore dependent on the substitute soul reaper, and breaking that bond was so frustratingly difficult that even the scientist couldn't find a way to do it.

It drove him mad. Well, madder than he was already. But everything seemed to be going smoothly even though Kurosaki had managed to escape his hollow's grasp.

"Excellent," the scientist crooned. "The emotion gauges should be filled up in no time with the hollow around."

He let out a loud howl of laughter, raising his hands in the air before slamming them repeatedly back down on his desk. It was exhilarating. He could do anything. He. Wanted—Anything. From controlling these meagre soul reapers to implanting replicas of espadas by using the DNA that he had collected from each specimen. Then, he'd simply throw them into the barrier and let the replica espadas simulate what he wanted from his dear test subjects.

Even if they started to rebel, none of them stood a chance—he had implanted a device in their brains that would explode if they were stubborn. The espadas would do his bidding—and the test subjects would have their minds controlled if they attempted to break out of the barrier or anything else that would displease Mayuri. He had become god to these specimens. And nothing felt better than this.

His yellow eyes swivelled to glare at Nemu, who was currently standing to attention with her hands loosely clasped together in front of her, awaiting her master's orders.

"Nemu! What is the gauge that is most depleted?" he snapped at her.

She checked her clipboard before answering instantly. "It seems that the 'Despair' gauge is on a significant low Mayuri-sama."

Mayuri turned his chair back towards his main screen, taping the piano-like keyboard he had at his disposition. Despair? It was so easy to create that the scientist hadn't even considered creating a simulation for it, so now it was depleted. Well fine, he'd create one now. It wasn't very hard. These kids were so easy to push around now that they were helplessly enclosed in the barrier.

"Let's see how we can torture one of them…" Mayuri murmured with an unpleasant smirk on his face.

The screen finally showed a black haired lieutenant and there was silence in the room before Mayuri began to burst out in sadistic laughter as he connected the dots.

"Fantastic," he cackled, "Absolutely ingenious, Mayuri! Kuchiki Rukia, you're going to love this one."

* * *

"_Well hello, Zabuto."_

Jaspa Alvarez screamed in pain as her left arm was loped off. She writhed and shouted curses on the floor while Tia Harribel placed a hand on her sword threateningly as she stared the hollow down.

His lips curved up into that forever feral grin as he flicked the blood of Zangetsu's shikai state. **"You better not call me that again."**

Harribel marched forwards, hand still on her sword as she moved in between Jaspa and the advancing hollow. "Enough, Hollow."

Her tone was at its finest, icy and cold like it should be, but the dark counterpart of Kurosaki Ichigo could sense that there was something slightly odd about the two espadas' reiatsu. For one, they seemed…counterfeit? Did that make any sense at all or was he more insane that he thought he was in the first place?

He sized the woman up, noticing how her posture signalled that she was a remarkable fighter that was not to be messed with. Not that he was scared or anything. He let his glare burn into hers before turning around and replacing Zangetsu back on his back.

"**Tch. There's no point in fighting things that don't fight back," **the alter ego hissed, stomping off, away from the ravaged village of Kusajishi.

While walking, he opened and closed his fist, his stomach churning in annoyance and anger. The body was stiff and slow, which made the hollow much weaker than he actually was. The crazy kid's body was nothing more than a worthless piece of shit. King's body was the only thing that would fit the job nicely. And he wanted it. Now. Since the villagers had been too incompetent to realize there was a similar reiatsu nearby and stupidly gave away their own for the hollow to devour, he might as well go looking for King by himself.

But still…He shouldn't have let King get away back in that cave. He could have easily caught him. But then what? His hallucination powers had not worked on Ichigo as far as he was concerned. That was the only thing he had learned that permitted him to enter someone's body. But not only that…King had rejected his own power. Not only the inner hollow himself, but Zangetsu too. Why?

"Hollow. You shouldn't stray too far. The soul reapers are still looking for us," Harribel's voice made him bristle slightly.

He turned around to glare at her. He didn't trust anyone. Especially not this counterfeit bitch. Why did she keep following him? He didn't need a fucking babysitter.

"What? Don't like the body I got for you?" Jaspa sneered hatefully.

The alter ego's eye twitched as his hand itched for Zangetsu. He began fantasizing over loping off the other espada's remaining arm off.

"**Where…"** he hesitated, **"…Where are we?"**

His gaze landed suspiciously on the strange humming sound that seemed to be coming from a wall painted over with sky and clouds.

"Mayuri's experiment. We're trapped here in Rukongai," Harribel answered patiently.

Everything clicked into place. So that's why he and King had been split in two. It was this Mayuri guy who had done this to them. He wanted to gouge that bastard's throat open for throwing him into this shithole. He was doing just about fine in trying to take over Ichigo's body a second time but the mad scientist had to ruin it all for him didn't he?

"**This body will rot away in a few weeks' time,"** the hollow said to no one in particular. **"I need to find King and take over his body for good."**

He grinned, just about ready to launch himself in a random direction, but Harribel restrained him with a surprisingly firm hand. "It's useless. They've placed a barrier of their own to avoid detection by the likes of you."

He shrugged off her hand irritably, before snapping, **"Don't touch me, you phony."**

Jaspa's eyes glittered in anger. "How dare you! Harribel may be a counterfeit, but her presence here still very much commands respect!"

The hollow couldn't contain himself and had already launched himself at Jaspa. He'd lop her arm off just for pleasure, then he'd deliver a deep gash into her stupid face just to shut her—

"You're unusually reckless, hollow," said an unfamiliar voice that was now blocking his cleaver blade.

The counterpart stared at the newcomer as well as Jaspa, before the hollow felt similar reiatsus encircle them shortly after. He glanced around before letting out an irritated groan. **"More of you? Oh come on!"**

He flicked through Ichigo's memories, which he took from the link that still bound him to the teen. Stark. Sazel. Yammy. Grimmjow. Zommari. But…how? They were all supposed to be dead. What kind of fucked up person brought these espadas back to life?

He jumped clear of Stark's blade, backing away, his eyes darting from side to side, ready for them to attack him at once.

"Jeez, peace Kurosaki," Stark drawls lazily. "We're your comrades. We're in the same boat. Our job is to keep the soul reapers in line and do whatever Mayuri-sama tells us. Otherwise he blows us up, right?"

The hollow tried to ignore the fact that the Primera espada had just called him fucking Ichigo, and used his energy to try and mask the confusion that he was clearly feeling right now. Keep the soul reapers in line? Blowing us up? How much had he missed?

"Mission is to guard the barrier and keep the soul reapers from trying to discover how to break it. But not to worry, Mayuri-sama's talking to us in our minds, so it'll be clear what he wants us to do. Just don't go rebelling or anything unless you want to go 'boom' okay?"

They heard Mayuri's voice in their heads. Damn. Did they know that he had heard nothing whatsoever from the crazed scientist? Did that mean that he wouldn't blow up if he disobeyed the bastard's orders? It had to be some sort of trap of some sort. But for now, he'd play along.

"**I know all the shitload of details. Now leave me the fuck alone." **

The espadas watched as Ichigo's dark counterpart vanished from view in a flash of sonido. Stark nodded to Grimmjow. "Follow him. Mayuri-sama said to keep the hollow away from Ichigo for as long as possible."

* * *

Ichigo shivered. He sucked at sensing reiatsu, but even now he could feel the crushing reiatsu of a new set of arrivals, even though the barrier they had set up concealed theirs. That's when Renji came rushing in to make the terrible news official, sweat beginning to form on his brow. "More espadas!"

Ichigo had recovered more of his memory thanks to his encounter with his inner hollow, but all had not been recovered yet. But he knew enough.

"He can do whatever he wants with us," the teen found himself muttering.

Leave it to Orihime to hear what he was saying and shout it out loud. "What do you mean Kurosaki-kun?"

"Rukia was right. Mayuri is god here," the orange head explained to the brunette. "I've…I've recovered more of my memories—I know what he wants from us."

The hushed murmur in the room was paused as they all glanced at Ichigo with hopeful looks on their faces. Ichigo hated that. Why did they have so much faith in him to fix everything? Andf even if he told them Mayuri's intentions, it still wouldn't help them get out of here.

"Well don't ditter around, just say it," Rukia huffed.

"He's implanted something in each of our brains," Ichigo addressed the room that was now full of listening soul reapers. "It's used for three purposes. One, it can be used to control our minds if we decide to rebel."

There were cursings and mutterings of alarm filling the room, as some reflexively touched their heads as if they could remove the device if they got scared enough. Ichigo's eyes tightened. Even he felt scared by this thought that Mayuri could control his actions. He wished this was all a dream—but it wasn't.

"Shut it!" Kukkaku silenced the room.

So the teen continued, wrapping his arms around himself again, a position he had found himself doing over and over again ever since his encounter with Mayuri even though he was mostly back to his old self.

"The second is if things get really desperate. To blow us up."

Now the whole room is screaming in outrage and yelling over one another to be heard, everyone acting like a bunch of wild animals. Only Kukkaku and Ichigo remained silent, and it seemed that the strength to make them all shut up had been drained out of the woman as the realization dawned on her. They were never going to come out of here alive.

"Everyone just shut up!" Ichigo snapped finally as the cacophony of voices lasted longer than a few minutes. "Just…shut up."

He turned away from the sea of eyes, biting his lip. It was clear that he was upset. But it wasn't over the fact that Mayuri just might press the button and send his intestines flying all over the place. What had _happened _to Soul Society? And were the hallucinations that his hollow was showing him really true?

He drew in a breath before he glanced at Rukia. "Remember when I had a mental breakdown when you showed me around for the first time?"

Rukia frowned, nodding. "You did say something odd about emotions."

"Yeah…Mayuri is after our emotions. The third purpose the device serves is to measure our brain signals and wavelengths when we are experiencing certain emotions. I don't know what he plans to do with the information…"

Ichigo was greeted with a stony silence this time as everyone reflected on this. He never was the brains. Let them figure out what Mayuri was doing.

It was Shinji who spoke first.

"I frankly don't have a clue about what he's trying to accomplish, but if it's anything to do with manipulating us even further, it's not good."

"He clearly doesn't want us leaving the barrier if he's taking so much of these precautions. But if we don't somehow remove this device out of our minds, we have to count on the fact that we will never get out of here alive," Uryu says, pushing up his glasses.

There's another silence, but everyone is at a loss of what to do. How were they supposed to remove the stupid thing out of their brains? If they attempted to remove it, Mayuri would mind-control them not to do it. If only there was someone who didn't have the device in their brains, and new some form of surgery. But that's all impossible here. Everyone has a bomb in their freaking heads.

"_**Soon you won't have to worry about your body being blown up, because your body is mine."**_

* * *

The orange-haired teen clutched his head for the umpteenth time that day. Even though his inner hollow was nowhere near his body or even in his mind, he had still somehow managed to find a way to resume torturing Ichigo through their remaining link. Ichigo swore. If only he had Zangetsu, he could walk out of here and kill the bastard. But the hollow had his zanpakuto…And poor Zabuto's body. Would the body be able to handle his hollow's reiastu?

That's when something suddenly rang in his mind. He pushed the covers off his body, whispering under his breath. "Yuri."

He'd completely forgotten about her. Guilt stabbed through him. What had happened to her? He could just imagine his counterpart now, taking pleasure and dismembering her limb by limb while she screamed in agony. His hands flew to his head as the hollow projected this imagery to him, filling his mind with loud laughter.

He stumbled out of bed, careful not to wake the others and made his way outside. He slipped through the barrier, knowing there was a certain hand sign one had to do in order to return back in.

He slipped into flashstep, knowing full well what a big risk he was taking, but he had to find the little girl before she got hurt. It was the least he could do for Zabuto, when he had failed to protect him so miserably.

He attempted to mask his reiatsu like Rukia had tried to teach him, and even though it wasn't much, it was enough to make himself unidentifiable. The espadas wouldn't be able to tell whether it was him or not.

"Ungh!" Ichigo gasped in pain as an attack sent him toppling over onto the ground.

He rolled away as the blade proceeded to bury itself into the ground right next to his head, before he agilely leaped to his feet. His eyes widened momentarily before coming back down into his usual scowl.

There swinging Zangetsu by his hilt wrap, stood his inner hollow, trademark grin set lazily in place. The smirk widened as Ichigo took a fighting stance. **"Well, well King. Have you come out play?"**

"I don't have time to deal with you," Ichigo ground out.

He barely excavated Zangetsu smashing on the ground where he had been seconds before, then started sprinting towards the remaining tents of what was left of the village of Kusajishi. He knew he didn't stand a chance against his hollow if he stood here and fought him without a zanpakuto.

He could hear his hollow's laughter as he chased after the teen with glee. **"Lost something Kingy?"**

Zangetsu was buried into the ground right next to Ichigo to emphasize his point. Ichigo dodged it, before it was pulled back out of the earth by its hilt wrap. Ichigo could hear the blade whistle through the air as it was spun in the circular motions before being launched at him again.

"Yuri!" Ichigo shouted as he evaded Zangetsu once again. "Yuri it's me, Ichigo!"

Was she scared of the sounds she was hearing? Or was she already…dead?

He gasped as a pale white hand grabbed his shoulder in an iron grip, and with staggering strength, chucked the poor teen into a pile of burnt down tents. Ichigo hacked and coughed as the dust that had risen up from the ground around him began to settle again. He stared blearily at his dark counterpart as the alter ego proceeded to swing Zangetsu in the now familiar circular motion. **"I can't guarantee that your head will remain on your shoulders if you continue to ignore me Ichigo."**

Ichigo's eyes narrowed apprehensively. How had the hollow managed to catch up to him? He had been counting on the fact that their similar speeds would aid him. So much for that. "Look, I'm just here to find the girl. What the hell do you want from me?"

The hollow faked a confused expression before he began laughing out loud.

"**What do I want?" **the hollow choked back another bout of laughter. **"What do I want King? The same thing I've always wanted—my body!"**

Ichigo scowled at his hollow. Like that was going to happen. The teen never wanted him back—he was done. Done. And if he had to live without Zangetsu in the process, so be it. Those memories he had had in the cave… they were finally hitting him full force. He didn't deserve to have a zanpakuto anywhere near him. He was done.

The hollow noticed the blankness of Ichigo's expression, and with a hint of annoyance in his eyes, flung the zanpakuto at Ichigo once more. But Ichigo didn't move or react. He just sat there, with that lost expression on his face. _What have I done? The Seireitei is…_

The pain never reached him. He stared up in shock as he saw Grimmjow blocking the hollow's blade.

"**What the hell!" **Ichigo's double screamed in anger.

"Back off Hollow. Mayuri's direct orders," Grimmjow said gruffly.

"**I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you, but you've all been acting as if you have sticks up your asses ever since you let Mayuri tinker around with your brains!" **the hollow barred his teeth.

Ichigo simply stared. Grimmjow had intervened him because Mayuri didn't want him to die, apparently. He blinked. He hoped that knowledge would be to his advantage in the future. But these espadas…seemed to be in the same situation as the soul reapers. They had an explosives lodged in their brains—and direct communication with Mayuri. Which meant they were working for him to help hatch his plans. The teen shivered. Had the espadas all lost their pride, or were they really under Mayuri's control like his inner hollow said they were?

"You can't get your body if you kill him, smartass," Grimmjow hissed.

"**I didn't expect him to just sit there!" **the hollow snarled back.

Ichigo froze. Had he really just been sitting there waiting to be killed? He put a hand to his head in shock. Since when had he ever given up like that? Abandon Zangetsu? What had he been thinking?

Grimmjow looked back at the horrified teen in understanding. "He must have been under Mayuri's control for that one moment."

Ichigo stared at the ground in terror. Was it true? Had Mayuri really controlled his mind just like that? Ichigo hadn't even reisisted, let alone noticed until the sexta espada had told him.

"I-I thought he didn't want me killed," Ichigo muttered under his breath.

Grimmjow heard him, giving him a cold look, which was strangely odd on the espada's face. "It was a warning. He can do whatever he wants. Whenever he wants."

Stark appeared, hitting Ichigo's dark counterpart on the back of the neck, who had been listening with a furious expression on his face, Stark effectively knocking him unconscious. Ichigo watched the hollow go limp and drop Zangetsu, before Stark lugged him underneath one arm, Zangetsu in the other. "We're leaving Grimmjow."

He left with a sound of static, Grimmjow giving Ichigo one last warning look before he followed after his fellow espada. The orange head sat frozen on the ground, staring at the spot where they had disappeared. These counterfeit espadas were clearly under Mayuri's control. Hell, Grimmjow hadn't even so much as smiled or grinned. It was weird.

He raised his hand to his head again disbelievingly, before he narrowed his eyes and swore. Mayuri had really… Dammit.

"I…Ichigo…?" said a small voice.

Ichigo raised his head, his eyes darting to search for the source of the voice. That's when he saw Yuri, crawling out from one of the tents, covered in soot, scratches and bruises. Ichigo got up and stalked towards her. Guilt crawled up his spine at how pitiful she looked. How could he have left her here all on her own?

"Has my brother…" she sniffed, tears rimming her eyes, "I mean that monster…left?"

Ichigo put a reassuring grip on her shoulder. "Yeah…I'll get him back, I swear."

Ichigo took her hand as she sniffed again, and guided her for the long trek back.

He was so sorry. If it hadn't been for his recklessness, his hollow wouldn't have been set free by Mayuri. If it wasn't for his stubbornness, the hollow would have possessed Ichigo instead. If he hadn't been here at all…if he had stopped Mayuri before things went out of control… Yuri and Zabuto would not have ended up like this. And no one, no soul reaper or dead espada, would be trapped in this fish bowl like rats at a crazy man's mercy.

He halted, crouching down and taking fistfuls of his hair, letting go of Yuri's hand and tried to calm his anger and his frustration. He was just so damn _helpless. _Even against his hollow, he hadn't been able to do _anything. _

"Dammit!" he slammed his fist on the ground, teeth gritted together. "If only I had a weapon! Something to fight back with!"

There was a silence, before he heard Yuri stutter. "A-A weapon? You want a weapon? We found a weapon here once."

Ichigo frowned. "Not any old weapon Yuri."

Yuri beamed. "It isn't! I sensed reiatsu wreathing around it! Maybe it's a soul reaper sword?"

The teen's brows knitted tightly together. A zanpakuto found out here randomly in Kusajishi without an owner? That's…odd. He didn't even consider using someone else's zanpakuto. Was that even possible? No. Of course not. The zanpakuto was special to the owner only.

But hey, why not check this 'zanpakuto' out, after all, it wouldn't do much harm. He'd just have to explore all his options. Besides, the night was still young, and the others seemed to still be sleeping, since there was no sign that they had come looking for him.

"Alright then…" Ichigo said, offering Yuri a ride on his back. "Show me where this weapon is."

"Back at our old house! I'll show you the way!" Yuri said excitedly.

The teen didn't understand how she could find so much energy. Maybe she was just eager to get out of the place. Well, he couldn't blame her. He stared disdainfully at the place. Good riddance.

Following Yuri's directions, Ichigo flashstepped his way through Rukongai, arriving to one of the old abandoned rotting houses. Yuri hopped off his back and skipped to the house, happy to be home, while Ichigo followed.

"Zabuto said it was junk, but he can't sense reiatsu like I can!" Yuri said, taking off one of the wooden planks that covered the floor.

Ichigo peered in, noticing that the sword underneath the plank did indeed look very much like a zanpakuto. How odd. What had it been doing out there in the middle of nowhere? Even if Ichigo could never materialize its shikai or whatever, at least it seemed to have enough reiatsu to not snap in two like the previous crap Ichigo had been wielding.

He bent down and wrapped his hand around the red handle. He felt weird. His head thudded. Then he screamed.

* * *

Rukia woke up from one of her usual nightmares, panting in fear. She wrapped her arms around her shivering body in an attempt to comfort herself and that everything was fine. She calmed herself by listening to the breaths of her sleeping comrades. They were lucky that their sleep was undisturbed.

Rukia's eyes travelled to each one of the beds, gradually feeling her breathing slow and her heart beat lessen. But the calm was ruined when she noticed Ichigo's bed was empty. She sprung up, ignoring the head-rush and touched the mattress. It was cold. Ichigo had been out for a long time.

She searched for his reiatsu outside the barrier, her nerves grating when she felt it flare suddenly, the feeling of it drenched with unimaginable pain. It rang up and down Rukia's spine, and a frozen feeling suddenly came over her.

"Everyone. Everyone, get up." She didn't raise her voice, but it was strained enough for everyone to start stirring.

Her loud footsteps woke everyone up for good, some of the soul reapers letting out moans of protests while others demanded what was going on. But the reiatsu coming towards them made them spring out of their beds. Most with confusion, but some with horror.

Rukia opened the door. She stepped outside. Everyone piled out after her. She tried to stare unfeelingly at the person in front of her. The person's dead and unfocused eyes stared blankly back. It felt like forever until someone broke the silence. Rukia breathed with short pants, afraid she would keel over and die if she moved an inch.

"Kurosaki-kun?" Orihime squeaked from behind Rukia.

The petite soul reaper's fragile calm shattered as the name was uttered. Ichigo drew the zanpakuto he wore at his belt wrap, staring unfeelingly at Rukia and marching towards her. Rukia knew. Mayuri was laughing in Ichigo's eyes. The scientist would enjoy her despair. He would use every drop of emotion she had for this person and fulfil his plans. He had found the perfect way to torture her. Her ultimate punishment.

Ichigo held the sword facing downwards to his right side, ready to call out the zanpakuto's name.

Rukia couldn't contain herself, screaming so loud her throat was scraped raw. "Ichigo, _don't_!"

He spun the weapon in a repetitive circling motion. "Rankle the seas and heavens, Nejibana."

* * *

_**Omigawd! Don't you guys just loooove cliffhangers, because I do! **_

_**Also, I'm thinking of posting **__**a new fic called "I Hate This Part".**__** Of course, I'll alternate between this one and the new fic. It's more Ichiruki centred sadly for Shiro fans, but it does have him in the story, just less. It's a little more focused on romance, as it's set in an alternate universe. **_

_**Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chappy and please please review! 8D**_


	8. Chapter 8: And Your Savior Is?

To Die Alone: Chapter 8

And Your Savior Is…?

_**Hey guys,**_

_**Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've just been so busy with exams, and more exams! :( **_

_**And reviewers, no more guessing about the story! XDDD But thank you for all your reviews that make me happy happy happy**_

_**I'll try to get to my other story asap but I make no promises it'll be next week. **_

_**Here, we have some flashbacks again which will have meaning later on in the story.**_

* * *

"Maybe. But I say the heart can be found right here."

He formed his hand into a fist. Rukia blinked. Kaien-dono's voice had never sounded so certain.

"When we meet, a bond is formed when we meet for the first time. Our hearts aren't in our bodies. When we think or care about someone, that's when our hearts are born."

Rukia's eyes widened as she recognized that there was some truth to what her lieutenant was saying. She'd never seen the world that way before. Kaien had opened up a whole new world before her at that very moment.

But never had she expected to be completely thrown out of her comfort zone when she gave her powers to Ichigo. The world of the living seemed so strange to her, and even though she found that she cared for Ichigo as a friend, she couldn't bring herself to believe she could ever stay. Even after Ichigo had rescued her, she had remained in Soul Society. She didn't belong in the world of the living. She was a soul reaper. She could not stay.

_I wanted to stay. _

"If you were the only person in the entire world, then your heart wouldn't be anywhere. Don't worry. If you wish with all your heart to stay here, then your heart will remain here. If your heart is here, you should be here."

That's what Kaien had said… So why? She had wished with all her heart she could stay, and yet she could not. She had been dragged back to Soul Society by Nii-sama and Renji.

_I wanted to stay. _

Kaien went on. "Our bodies are souls themselves. When we die, our bodies will turn to dust and become the spirit particles that form Soul Society. But where will our hearts go?"

_Where did your heart go Kaien?_

* * *

…Why is it that that the one who Rukia had drawn her strength from always turned out to be her weakness? First the hollow that had possessed his body. Then Arroniero. Now…Ichigo.

Her hand wrapped around her zanpakuto's hilt, before she slowly began to pull it out of its sheath, her eyes shadowed by her hair.

"K-Kuchiki-san…?" Orihime inquired, bewildered by her friend's actions. "That's Kurosaki-kun over there…!"

_He's laughing at me. _

"All the more reason," Rukia muttered.

She brought Sode No Shirayuki up to guard her flank, and Orihime flinched at the sharpness and coldness of Rukia's murderous glare.

_Kurostuchi Mayuri is mocking me. _

She watched as Ichigo's blank stare zeroed in on her, bringing Nejibana barring his front. Part of Rukia wanted to think like Orihime, and not attack one of her closest friends. This was _Ichigo _for crying out loud. This was different from the times where she had to defeat the hollow that was impersonating Kaien. How could you defeat someone who has no particular evil in them to defeat?

But Rukia was also fighting for Ichigo's heart, his honor. She would not let his memory be dilapidated by some scientist scum. After all they had been through, Ichigo did not deserve to be dragged back into the past like this just because of his looks.

"Dance, Sode No Shirayuki!" Rukia growled.

"Wait, Kuchiki-san!" Uryu was shouting.

""Tsugi No Mai. Hakuren!" Rukia, ignored him, launching an avalanche of snow upon the vacant Ichigo.

But Ichigo was Ichigo, and his flashstep was far superior to both Rukia's or even Kaien's. He was already behind Rukia, using Kaien's flawless dance and spinning the trident like Nejibana had always been his zanpakuto. Rukia blocked the trident, abruptly halting its spinning momentum as her feet buried themselves in the ground against the sheer force of the blow. With a cry of rage, Rukia shoved Ichigo away, who stumbled back a few steps while Rukia chased after him.

It was then that Mayuri shrewedly decided to leave Ichigo open. Instinctively Rukia's blade dove to sink itself into Ichigo's body, before realizing at the last minute that Ichigo wasn't going to defend himself. Rukia stopped centimetres away from his flesh, her eyes wide as it dawned on her that she couldn't do it. Her arms wouldn't move.

From the corner or her eye she saw the trident move, and at the last minute she leaped out of his range. She escaped with a cut to the shoulder. "Fool…"

She stood back up from her crouching position, but she gasped when she recognized Renji standing in front of her. "No Rukia."

"Renji… Out of my way."

"Rukia, you can't hurt him. You're only exhausting yourself. We have to find a way to free Ichigo of Mayuri's mind control," her friend reasoned, and despite his poker-face, the petite soul reaper could see how angry he was.

She heard the clash of metal and noticed Toshiro fighting Ichigo, who seemed to be twirling the blade as beautifully as Kaien had done. Why...Why did it have to be Ichigo? How did Ichigo find Nejibana?

* * *

"Stop!" Ichigo screamed as the chains of encroachment began to eat at each other. "Stop!"

His pounding panicked heart disappeared the moment the chains all dropped off, revealing the hole that could only mean one thing. He was going to turn into a hollow. His mind went black. But it couldn't end here, he had to go and rescue Rukia. She was counting on him…

His back arched up in agony as the hole burned in his chest. He let out a gurgled scream as white liquid ran down his face. He felt his body float in nothingness, his head spinning like someone had rammed a truck into him.

After a while that felt like hours, his original body mass returned and finally his back roughly hit solid ground. Ichigo's body went into spasms as he coughed and felt like throwing up, but thankfully, didn't. His eyes gradually got used to the blinding light, and when he looked around, he finally took in his surroundings. Sideways buildings…windowed grounds and cloudy skies. The hell?

He felt so weak. He slowly shifted from his back to his hands and knees, his limbs trembling to support his weight. That's when his memory returned to him. Zangetsu. The floating white boxes. Zangetsu urging him to hurry and pull the zanpakuto out. He couldn't remember anything past that.

That's when he felt someone's gaze at his back. Ichigo glanced uneasily backwards towards the ominous feeling. Even when he recognized the sword Zangetsu standing atop his usual pole, Ichigo felt something was wrong.

"You," said Zangetsu slowly. "What's your name?"

Ichigo frowned. Hadn't they been acquainted already? More so, Zangetsu recognized him as him as his master, therefore he should know his name?

"**Ichi—" **

His hands flew to his throat, his eyes widening. What was wrong with his voice? He slowly removed his hands from his neck, staring at his palms. His eyes widened in shock. His hands…were white?

Ichigo let out a choked cry, moving his hands out of his vision as if he didn't want them to belong to him. With a panicked gasp, he clambered towards a window, staring at his reflection.

In them, he saw a frightened boy, but past that, he realized that the usual brown colour of his eyes has been replaced with a savage yellow-gold hue. The white parts of his eyes were now stained with a sea of ebony black. His orange hair was snow white, and so was the rest of his body. He was colourless. Blank. Not…Ichigo.

"It seems…That that name no longer suits you," Zangetsu said in a more soothing tone.

Ichigo tumbled backwards away from the reflection, horror crossing his features. What had happened? He was sure he had gotten the zanpakuto out in time! Had he really become a hollow? Those eyes were undeniably…

"Part of you was not strong enough to resist the hollowfication. The other half, Ichigo…has regained his soul reaper powers. Ichigo can go and rescue Rukia," Zangetsu said quietly.

The teen that had been stripped of his name stared at the sword. He talked like as if he wasn't Ichigo… Was he really just like Zangetsu had said? The weaker half of Ichigo that had become…a hollow?

The strange warbled voice scared the pale teen slightly, he was almost too afraid to speak again. But after a long silence, he said very quietly. **"What am I supposed to do?"**

"Do you still desire to save Rukia? To become stronger?" inquired the zanpakuto.

The teen-turned-hollow closed his palm and opened it again. _Stronger. _A certain hunger sparked in his soul. **"Yeah."**

"I want you to help yourself, or Ichigo, in his training."

"**...What-"**

The teen gasped in pain and curled up into a fetal position, clutching his head. It felt like as if his head was being squeezed together by a pair of overgrown pliers. He suddenly watched as 'Ichigo' trained with Urahara, how he watched fireworks with _his _sisters, said goodbye to _his _father, and left to Soul Society with _his _friends. It was like watching someone else living his life. Why was he seeing this…? A dull ache formed where his heart used to be, and the teen reached to grip his white hakama over the pained area. And all of a sudden, he felt…bad. Zangetsu watched with silent sympathy, but said nothing.

So the hollow watched as Ichigo's struggle against time and the law of the Soul Society went on, and willed for that rock at the pit of his stomach to go away. But now, it was a ball of ice. Why was he so _angry_? Was it because…this 'Ichigo' was living his life? And he was stuck, trapped in here while his friends' lives were on the line? And he slowly began to hate Ichigo for it. The ball of ice in his stomach was starting to spread across his veins, all over his body.

Zangetsu had deduced that Ichigo's growth in strength accelerated when put up against real enemies rather than with say, Urahara or Zangetsu for example. So that was the hollow's role. Slice Ichigo up into little bits. Play the bad guy. It was almost insulting, but the inner hollow found himself wanting to do it—and maybe take it a little bit too seriously.

'Fight for dominance' was what Zangetsu had said. Was it true? Or was he just trying to make the hollow fight more vigorously by dangling the carrot in front of his nose? Zangetsu had told him his ties and feelings towards the outside world would gradually disappear as the hollowfication completed itself, but for now, the darker half could still feel that _ache. _

Was he…jealous?

Then it was show time, and the hollow unleashed his anger on the Ichigo that had been strong enough to resist what he could not. But how was it possible? If he was so strong, how could he not treat Zangetsu the way he should when the hollow could use the zanpakuto way better than he did? Ichigo was such a pushover. The hollow hated him. Hated him for everything.

Even afterwards…the elation of being momentarily the soul possessor of Zangetsu was almost like a taste of freedom outside of sideways world. And the hollow found himself hungering for it. More and more. The desire for power and dominance over the body he used to have. And he wanted out. Now.

_Now._

* * *

Something had changed in Ichigo's reiatsu.

The hollow sat up, his head groggy with sleep, before a jolt ran through his body. His eyes instantly narrowed angrily, fully alert, his bottom lip curling into a snarl. **"Let me out or I'll blow this shit up."**

That memory-dream had put him in a foul mood. After attacking Ichigo, Grimmjow had thrown him into this confinement-cell made out of some kido-based contraption that Sazel had conjured up. As much as the hollow hated to admit it, he couldn't fight all the espadas at once, once he'd broken out. He had been spouting out obscenities all night long, but after a while he had fallen asleep.

He pressed his pale hands against the kido based cell, his eyes gleaming golden as he scowled at his captor. **"What's happening out there? What's wrong with Ichigo's reiatsu?"**

The white double was worried about the body. It had to be intact when he reclaimed it. Yammy jumped out of his sleep, looking at the darker half through sleep-lidded eyes. "Huh? Oh, just Mayuri-sama controlling Ichigo to attack his friends, I guess. You know, he told us already. Don't make me repeat it again."

The inner hollow felt himself relax a little. He found himself assuring himself that King's friends wouldn't dare put a scratch on Ichigo's body. But he felt ill at ease that Yammy had noticed his lack of contact with the mad scientist. They couldn't know that the hollow didn't have any mind-controlling thingy in his brain—or so he thought. The double had a vague presumption that it had something to do with him not having a body. Well, the crazy boy's body would have to do for now.

It was difficult to truly feel what was wrong with Ichigo's reiatsu, as the barrier seemed to be blocking the inner demon's senses, as if the creation of this thing was not to keep him in, but prevent him from reacting to what was outside. The hollow caught a spark of what was bothering him so much as he strained his senses to the limit.

Ichigo's reiatsu wasn't Ichigo's.

He felt like throwing himself at the barrier in rage, but he remained in his crouching position, his jaw set in a hard line, watching silently as Yammy drifted off back to sleep. If they changed the nature of Ichigo's reiatsu, there was simply no way the hollow could access his body again, since their reiatsus would no longer match.

He spat on the ground in disgust. He didn't know what Mayuri was thinking, but weakening the white double's soon-to-be-body was not an option.

* * *

Rukia stared on her shaking legs as Toshiro was shred to pieces, not particularly because the captain was weaker, but rather because Toshiro didn't want to hurt him. The short captain was sporting a large gash in his back, and one of his hands was bloodied and unusable.

Ganju had attempted to call Ichigo's name in an attempt to bring the young teen back to his senses, but was now laying in an unconscious heap on the ground.

Kukkaku and Rangiku had escorted a sobbing Orihime back to Kukkaku's house, while Uryu and Shinji desperately tried to come up with a solution.

Ichigo's reiatsu kept on spiking upwards, Mayuri feeding his power until Kensei and Mashiro had to interfere and help the bloodied Toshiro. Rukia's knuckles were white as she gripped her sword, her eyes narrowed with indecision and sweat appearing on her brow as she shook. _Pull yourself together._

Rukia gasped as Ichigo's ever-growing reiatsu crushed her soul. Renji let out a cry of rage as Toshiro went down, unable to hurt Ichigo. Mashiro landed a bone-crushing kick on the side of Ichigo's face, a pout forming on her face as Ichigo got up again, but with half his face bleeding. There was no sign of pain on his face, and everyone at that point knew that Ichigo was set on fighting to the death even if he just had one arm left.

"Try knocking Nejibana out of his hands!" Uryu called, disappearing and reappearing in the air and sending arrows towards the twirling trident.

He was greeted with a torrent of water however, and he crashed to the ground, coughing and spluttering. Rukia gasped as she noticed Renji suffocating in what appeared to be a huge blob of water, unable to free himself from the water prison. "Renji!"

Water was snaking towards the winded Uryu, but was instantly frozen by Rukia's ice. Her teeth gritted, she barred Ichigo's path, her white sword pointed towards him. "Ichigo, if you don't stop…"

She couldn't finish her phrase. Ichigo turned his attention away from her as Kensei launched an attack on him, attempting to bat the trident out of his hands. But his knife didn't do much against Ichigo's strong set of hands, and as both weapon met with a clang, the trident remained firmly in place.

Rukia tried slicing at the water that imprisoned Renji but it did nothing to free him. There was only one way—and that was defeating Ichigo. But how?

Rukia shoved her hand forwards. "Bakudo 61. Rikujokoro."

Beams came and held Ichigo firmly in place, and for a moment Rukia saw Arroniero again immobilized by this very same kido. Her eyes widened in shock as the beams disintegrated under his out-of-control reiatsu, Ichigo letting out a scream.

_He's losing it. Mayuri's _hurting_ him._

Mashiro, caught off guard by his sudden freedom, was instantly enveloped in water.

"Mashiro!" Shinji gasped, vainly attempting to free her from her cage.

It was just Kensei and Rukia now. Ichigo stared blankly at them with dead eyes.

"What…What should we do?" Rukia whispered as she felt despair dripping into her heart.

Ichigo, one of her most dearest friends, had turned into the person that haunted her the most—Kaien. As if the orange head's looks didn't do the job already. Just the picture of her sword piercing through his heart…

"We try getting that sword out of his hand," Kensei said, a bead of sweat rolling down his neck.

He didn't show it, but Ichigo's reiatsu seemed to be affecting him too. In fact, the man barely seemed able to move. Ichigo was upon them and Rukia's will was enough to shove Kensei out of the way.

Agony ripped through her side as the trident sunk into her flesh. She crashed to the floor, at the business end of Nejibana, at the owner's mercy. Ichigo jerked the weapon out of her before going in for a killing stab, the petite soul reaper unable to bring herself to lift a finger against him.

But her attacker was grabbed by the neck and thrown several meters back, crashing in the dust. **"Tch. Is that all you got Ichigo?"**

* * *

_**Finished! Ichi and Shi fight next time! Well, sort of.**_

_**Hope you got my interpretation of how our favourite inner hollow came to be! ;)**_

_**You have no idea how long it took me to write this! -_- So many interruptions…**_

_**Anyway, please tell me what you thought about this chapter and please please review!**_


	9. Chapter 9: Let's Play A Game

To Die Alone: Chapter 9

Let's Play A Game

_**Omigosh I'm sooo sorry for the months of waiting! :'( **_

_**I've just had a ton of exams and haven't had the time to write anything… I apologize for not getting back to all of you sooner, and thank you so much for your support! When I saw all the favourites, reviews and follows I felt so happy it gave me the kick in the butt I needed to start typing again. I do realize I haven't updated this fic in quite a while so I'll be uploading this one first before 'I Hate This Part'. I'll probably make this fic much shorter than 'This War's Not Over', but it was never meant to be a long fic anyway. **_

_**Alrighty, let's get on with this, and I hope it was worth the wait…**_

* * *

"**Tch. Is that all you got Ichigo?" **

The hollow watched as Ichigo rose, the orange head's face expressionless but covered with a thin layer of dust. The double's eye twitched with annoyance as he looked at the bleeding side of Ichigo's face. _**"They took half **_**my **_**freaking face off," **_he thought.

Ichigo dashed towards him with a blinding flashstep, attempting to ram the trident into the copy's side. The inner hollow blocked the blow with his reverse Zangetsu, his face twisted into a sneer as both pushed their blades against each other.

"**What? Not gonna answer?" **the double smirked, before glancing disdainfully down at the trident. **"Too good for Zangetsu and me now?"**

That's when he noticed something flicker in Ichigo's eyes: recognition. The hollow grinned from ear to ear as he slammed Ichigo into the ground with sheer force. **"That's it. Wakey, wakey."**

He barely seemed to notice Rukia staring blankly at the double in confusion, and Kensei glaring at him with a knowing look. It seemed only one person out of two knew what he was. The rest were out of commission.

Blood dribbled from Ichigo's mouth upon impact with the ground, and the hollow found it rather annoying that he found no trace of pain or terror. The inner demon jumped back into a crouch, letting the vacant teen get back up again. He was receiving no pleasure whatsoever in beating Ichigo to a bloody pulp. First, because it was simply no fun in not hearing someone's screams, and second, because this wasn't Ichigo he was fighting.

Might as well take him out of his misery—and take over his body right now, and push whatever soul reaper that was in possession of his mind out. He could practically taste it. Imagine, having everyone who was once close to him back… And doing whatever he pleased, not within the confines of that god-forsaken inner world which acted as his prison. He could take back what was his, here and now.

But a sudden blast of crushing reiatsu swept past his senses and he glanced up in surprise, noticing that Ichigo was writhing in pain on the floor.

The reiatsu was coming from him alright. The hollow took a panicked stepped forwards, noticing how whatever was left of Ichigo's reiatsu was morphing into that of a soul reaper's he didn't know. At this rate, the copy would no longer be able to take over Ichigo's body.

He watched, angry as Ichigo's eyes turn from brown to sea green and his orange hair to raven black. He heard a strangled moan from Rukia as she fisted her hair and stared at the person before her. Clearly Rukia recognized this soul reaper. The hollow blinked. So that's what Mayuri was doing. He was inducing pain on this petite soul reaper for some reason. To get a kick out of it? He doubted it.

But as Ichigo no longer became Ichigo, something inside the hollow snapped. He didn't know what the fuck Mayuri was doing to his body, but he wasn't going to get his way.

Before Ichigo could react, the alter ego had taken a hold of Ichigo's trident's handle. With a sharp tug, he landed a powerful two footed kick into Ichigo's stomach, before twisting away the handle with hollow-like strength, causing the blank Kaien to lose his grip on Nejibana.

'Kaien' crashed several meters away, while the darker half threw the zanpakuto as far away from them as possible. He watched as the water prisons broke down, releasing spluttering and gasping prisoners.

Nejibana was covered in a thick layer of ice the next time he rested his eyes upon it, and watched as Rukia paced over to it. With an angry growl, she snapped the zanpakuto in half. Turning his attention away from all the commotion, the hollow smirked at the unconscious Ichigo. His hair and eyes were returning back to normal, and so was his reiatsu. He could take over the King's body, now that his reiatsu was no longer threatening to change. He could finally take back everything the teen had stolen from him. The crazy boy's body would only last a few days now.

As he neared Ichigo to attempt a possession, he was painfully reminded that Ichigo's mind had been strong enough to deny him, even after attempts at breaking him. What was he going to do this time? But as he reflected on this, a new sentiment crossed his mind. What if he didn't want to be Ichigo? They were two separate souls, two different and opposite people. He was sick and tired of constantly being referred to Ichigo. Even _looking _like him felt like a slap in the face. But he needed the body soon if he was going to live any longer.

A knife's blade was applied to his throat, and he smirked as he felt Kensei's reiatsu behind him. "Don't move, hollow."

The inner demon could feel how tired Kensei was, his reiatsu low in supply. He let out a sneer. **"Says the dead man walking."**

He dealt Kensei a blow to the back of his neck before the vizard could react, the ex-captain collapsing onto the ground. He looked back at Ichigo, spitting in his direction. **"Next time, King. I'm not so eager to reclaim your soul just yet."**

He stalked off, eyes burning furiously into the ground. He was walking away empty handed. Why?

A voice made him pause. "Thank you."

He glanced back at Rukia, his eyes narrowed mockingly. **"I didn't come here to save you weaklings. I work for my benefit alone."**

"If you did then you would have killed Kensei. He holds no interest or benefit for you, after all," Rukia raised a brow, while still holding her sword.

The way she held it meant she had found out what he represented. The comment made the alter ego even angrier. Him, showing mercy on a bunch of…weaklings? How pitiful.

"**Do you want me to kill him?" **the hollow snarked.

Rukia didn't respond. The hollow turned back around to go back the direction he was heading. **"I'm taking over his body soon. If I killed you, King would never shut up about it."**

A flicker of surprise in her eyes. "So you do care."

The hollow kept walking, but annoyance and anger was radiating off him in waves.

"Otherwise you would have taken over his body right now," Rukia called after him.

She was so annoying. He felt like wringing her little neck until she stopped coming up with accurate observations.

"**Tell Ichigo I'll be back to crush his soul once he's healed."**

And with that, the hollow disappeared in a rip of sonido.

* * *

Rukia brought the sobbing Yuri back to Kukkaku's house, repeatedly saying she was sorry for showing Ichigo the sword. The petite soul reaper kept reminding her that none of this was her fault, but guilt still dulled her eyes as she ate with little appetite Koganehiko's cooking. Rukia leaned back against the wall, not bothering to sit in a proper chair. Ever since Renji and Ikkaku had carried Ichigo's unconscious form back into the house and in a separate room, Rukia had not seen him once. She wasn't sure if it was simply because she couldn't bring herself to do it, or if she was just frightened. Back there, when Ichigo's hair turned black, for a moment, Rukia had seen Kaien's face. In that moment, Rukia had been torn to pieces. Not simply because she had seen her lieutenant that she had murdered, but because she had thought that she had lost Ichigo forever to Mayuri.

Rukia put a hand to her face. What had been Mayuri's intention? What was he trying to accomplish in all of this? It made no sense. She recalled what Ichigo had tried to tell her a few weeks back, when he had first arrived inside the barrier.

_He's after the emotions._

She wasn't sure if Ichigo had regained all of his memories, but she had heard from him that he had regained 'enough'. Whatever that meant, she didn't know. But she was certain that whatever memories Ichigo didn't have, his inner hollow possessed. It was clear.

Ichigo and his hollow had to become one again.

But how dangerous would that be? Was it even possible? Rukia stood up. She had to find out. Orihime had her hands full healing the injured, and it was certainly no use feeling sorry for herself while she could be out helping.

* * *

"**Let. Me. Out."**

Ichigo's hollow never would have thought he would still be saying this even outside of Ichigo's body. But here he was, back in his substitute prison, poking at the barrier that had surrounded him once again. Yammy sat in his usual spot, completely void of his usual destructive default. He sat very still, his eyes never leaving the barrier.

"**Seems Mayuri loosened a few screws in your brain, huh? So that you never lose sight of me again?" **the hollow asked sarcastically. **"Betcha he's so bent on me not taking over Ichigo's body again. It's so obvious."**

Yammy didn't respond. The inner demon felt like he was talking to a wall, in which, he kind of was.

"**You're as bad as Zangetsu for company!" **the hollow spat.

Silence.

"**Well I'm gonna take back what's mine, and even that stupid scientist won't be able to stop me," **the hollow said, but feeling stupider by the minute.

Yammy finally seemed to look at him properly. He spoke in a robotic voice. "That body will wear out soon."

Ichigo's double wasn't sure what was wrong with Yammy's voice. The hell?

The hollow's eyes narrowed defensively. **"And how would a fat oaf like you know that?"**

Yammy stared blankly. Something clicked in the hollow's mind. His eyes widened slightly. **"That's not Yammy in there."**

The giant smiled uncharacteristically. It looked so much more like—

"**Mayuri!"** the hollow slammed against the barrier, pressing his hands against it.

Either Mayuri had hijacked Yammy's brain or… well nothing else. There was just simply no way Yammy would act so out of character.

"You are correct," Yammy smiled strangely after a while in the same odd voice.

"**I wanna know what the hell it is you're planning," **the hollow demanded, willing the barrier to shatter just by glaring at it.

"I am not willing to divulge such precious information just yet," Yammy-gone-Mayuri said. "Just be sure that if you attempt to possess Ichigo's body once again, I will blow his brains to bits."

The double snarled, appalled at the idea of losing his body. Mayuri was right. The hollow's time in this crazy boy's body was wearing to a day. Twenty-four hours.

"**What choice do I have then? Die?" **the hollow hissed.

"Lead the espadas and kill as many soul reapers as you can, with the exception of Ichigo, of course. Perhaps then, I will let you have his body," Mayuri said through Yammy's voice.

The inner demon's lips curled upwards. Kill-all-the-soul-reapers game. In twenty-four hours. He liked games. **"You better hold on to your end of the bargain."**

"So you accept? That's good. I hope you all enjoy this little game a little longer. I need a little more data before I can let you all out. If you are still alive, see you on the other side."

And with that Yammy's head drooped forwards, as if the connection had been cut. The hollow just stared as Yammy seemed to retake his old characteristics. The giant rubbed his head, groaning and stretching. "Fuck, my head."

The barrier shattered around the hollow like broken shards of glass. As the hollow paced forwards with a sadistic grin on his face, Yammy attempted to stop him. The alter ego glanced back at the espada, a sardonic smirk on. **"Didn't you receive it? Your telepathic-Mayuri-sama-orders-you-thing. All espadas are to lead an attack on our soul reapers friends, and kill every single one of them. At the exception of Ichigo."**

And as the hollow walked out of the cavern with Yammy on his heels, the inner demon felt something stir. He wondered what it would be like to see his family again, in person—not through King's eyes. He scowled, confused, reflecting on the meaning of 'killing the soul reapers', aka his ex-friends. The only friends in this barrier that were truly his were the ones before the original Ichigo became part hollow. And that person would be Rukia. Would she even acknowledge him if he killed the soul reapers? It didn't matter, he supposed. Kill the soul reapers—it was a simple task if he wanted to see his family again. He could bring Ichigo down in a state of despair by killing all the friends he had made since the two of the split into two separate beings. Then take over his body. Get out of here. See his family again.

But the hollow was wrong. That wasn't the only thing that stirred. He halted, took a breath, before he felt someone ram into the barrier of his own mind—someone he had believed was too crazy to even be conscious.

"_**You**__. I won't let you kill Yuri."_

* * *

_**Heehee had to cut it there on a cliffy as usual! :)**_

_**I hope this turned out okay, a bit on the short side, but will be updating more often now that it's summer time~! I promise I'll update another some time next week. ;) Once again I appreciate all those who will have waited for this one, and will upload another chappy for my other fic soon as well! **_

_**Enjoy summer everyone and please review~!**_


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